Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

EXPECT MORE EXCITEMENT IN 2004

Another year has passed and it's time once again for me to
gaze into my crystal ball and boldly predict the future.
Here's what I see happening in 2004:

---Officials from the U.S. Department of Agriculture panic
when a cow is spotted in New York with a cigarette in its
mouth. "It shows no concern whatsoever for its health," one
official says. "It must be a mad cow."  Meanwhile, a
Pennsylvania dairy farmer, hoping to capitalize on the mad
cow disease scare, produces a bumper sticker that says: "I'd
rather have a mad cow than a mad president."

---As coalition troops withdraw from their country, millions
of Iraqis rush into the streets in jubilation, realizing
that they still have some oil left. But a few are suspicious
when they look inside an oil barrel and find a label that
says "Brewed in Milwaukee."

---Having restored democracy in Iraq, American troops are
given an even more daunting mission: restoring democracy in
Florida. While carrying out this special mission, they are
surprised to find what they've spent months looking for:
weapons of mass destruction. "We were searching for them
halfway across the world," a soldier says. "And here they
were, right under our noses. Go figure!"

---Rev. Al Sharpton becomes the first African-American to
win the Democratic presidential nomination, beating his
rivals handily and leading President Bush in the polls,
until his wife spoils it all by saying, "Wake up, Al. You're
dreaming again!" Former Vermont governor Howard Dean wins
the actual nomination, but loses the election to President
Bush 5-3, with one justice abstaining.

---The Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece, are a resounding
success, though the Bulgarian weightlifting team returns
home disappointed. "They told us that this Olympics would be
drug-free," a dejected weightlifter says. "But we looked
everywhere and couldn't find a single drug that was free."

---As American companies move many of their customer
service jobs to India, Time Warner, a major cable company,
announces that its service crew will now be based in New
Delhi. "We want to reassure our customers that our service
calls will not be disrupted," a company spokesman says. "On
the contrary, they should be a lot faster." But a
Pennsylvania customer complains that he can't watch a movie
anymore without all the actors breaking out in song and
dance.

---After surviving ten more assassination attempts, Pakistan
president Pervez Musharraf decides to visit a psychiatrist.
"I could be wrong, doctor," Musharraf says, "but I'm
beginning to get the feeling someone doesn't like me."
Hearing about his concern, his critics give him a new
nickname: Nervous Pervez. He tries to appease them by
announcing that he will step down from the presidency as
soon as he has figured out what he's doing there in the
first place.

---Arnold Schwarzenegger struggles through his first year as
California governor, realizing that his acting skills, while
good enough for movies, are grossly deficient for politics.
His opponents complain that the governor's expression,
during a memorial service for a Democratic leader, looks a
little too much like a smile. "I meant no offense
whatsoever," Schwarzenegger says. "I was just checking out
the widow. I mean, window. Stained glass window."

---In a last-minute deal with prosecutors, Michael Jackson
pleads guilty to a lesser charge of "impersonating a
grown-up." A judge comes down hard on the pop star,
sentencing him to ten years of listening to his own music.
"I promise to change," a repentant Jackson tells the judge.
"I've already made an appointment with my plastic surgeon

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!