Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

SO MUCH TO LEARN ABOUT CANADA

Shortly after his appointment as America's new ambassador to
Canada, David Wilkins, former South Carolina legislator, was
asked during a CBC interview if he had been to Canada
before. "Many years ago, when I was in the Army stationed in
Indiana, my wife and I visited Canada," he replied.

"Oh yes, where did you go?" asked the interviewer,
pleasantly surprised that Wilkins had ventured that far
North.

"Well ... uh ... it was ... uh ... round the ... uh ... the
Falls area ... uh ... Niagara Falls, back up in there around
that area, as well as ... uh ... going I guess back West
toward Indiana. But obviously above Indiana. But I'd have to
get out a map to tell you all."

Wilkins, who had been a major fundraiser for President Bush
in South Carolina, apparently couldn't name any Canadian
provinces. But give the new ambassador credit. He did manage
to say "Niagara Falls."

He's probably an expert on Canada compared to most
Americans, many of whom know as much about their northern
neighbor as they do about Venus. (The tennis player as well
as the planet.) While Canadians receive a daily diet of
American news through their media, only a handful of
Americans could name the Canadian prime minister -- the ones
who gather intelligence for the CIA. (His name is Ricky
Martin. Sorry, Paul Martin.)

To help everyone learn more about Canada, let's play a game
of "True or False."

True or false: There's so much snow in Canada year-round,
the country has started exporting it.

False. Canada exports snow only in the winter. The snow
leaves Canada atop tractor-trailers bound for America. In
return, America allows Canada to have one NBA team.

True or false: The average Canadian man is so crazy about
ice hockey, he will watch it for hours at a time, even if he
has no beer.

True. If you visit the average Canadian home, you will find
three bottles of beer and 12 hockey sticks. The ice rink is
in the backyard.

True or false: Most Canadians speak two languages, English
and French.

False. If you travel around Toronto, you will quickly learn
that many Canadians speak only one language: Chinese. While
French and English are the official languages, you'll need
to be multilingual to communicate in every restaurant. And
you'd better not eat that meat-and-vegetable dish, if all
you asked for was some horseradish.

True or false: Canada abounds with moose. To go moose
hunting, Canadians just have to go into their backyards,
find a moose and hit it with a hockey stick.

False. Moose are usually not found in people's backyards.
They tend to prefer the front yard. Canadian moose are quite
friendly and you can ask them to leave your yard, as long as
you have room in your home.

True or false: Canada provides free healthcare for all its
people, even the ones who don't get paid in stock options.

True. Canada takes care of its poor, partly through high
taxes. A poor man may suffer a heart attack, but it usually
happens before he gets the hospital bill.

True or false: Canadian motorists are required to turn on
their headlights during the day as a safety measure, just in
case there's a sudden eclipse.

Partly true. By law, Canadian cars are equipped with daytime
running lights. The law was passed by politicians who,
pursuing the ideals of the nation's founders, are trying to
make Canada the brightest country in the world.

True or false: Canada has produced one of the world's best
female singers.

True. Celine Dion, who performs regularly in Las Vegas, will
even tell you her name: Alanis Morissette.

Send this column to a friend

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!