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Melvin's blog
Nshima & Curry
Melvin's Blog
Nshima & Curry
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ELIAN WILL CONTINUE TO DOMINATE NEWS
Elian Gonzalez is back with his father, but
his soap opera is far from over. CNN,
MSNBC and other television networks have
renewed the show for at least another
season, confident that Americans haven’t
had their fill of the 6-year-old Cuban boy and
his emotional second cousin.
Even ABC’s "Who Wants to be a
Millionaire?" can’t match the ratings of "Who
Wants to be Elian’s Guardian?" Especially
with a cast as glamorous as Lazaro
Gonzalez, the great-uncle, Donato Dalrymple,
the great fisherman, and Marisleysis Gonzalez,
the great actress.
Republicans will provide more drama for the
show by launching an inquiry into the
pre-dawn federal raid that snatched Elian
from his relatives’ Miami home. The
congressional hearing will offer communist
Cuba another lesson in the workings of a
democracy. This lesson will be called "how
to waste taxpayers’ money."
A number of other events will keep Elian in
the news for a long time:
MAY: An appeals court rules that Elian is old
enough to apply for political asylum on his
own. The court also rules that Elian is old
enough to drive, smoke and drink.
JUNE: The stock market gets a major boost
as investors spend a record $50 billion to
buy into a new Internet company: Elian.com.
The Web site allows people around the
world to comment on Elian’s case, chat with
Elian and offer to pay for his college
education.
JULY: Strapped to pay their mounting legal
bills, Elian’s relatives in Miami decide to sell
the bed he slept in for five months.
Though damaged in the federal raid, the
bed fetches $2 billion on eBay. They spend
part of the money to organize a massive
protest in Washington, D.C., dubbed the
"Million Cuban March to Free Elian From His
Loving Father."
AUGUST: Elian signs endorsement deals
with Pepsi, Cheerios and Colgate. But in a
surprising move, he refuses to endorse any
of the presidential candidates. A
disappointed Al Gore nevertheless tries to
win the critical Cuban-American vote by
saying, "If I’m elected, the White House will
have only honorable interns, such as that
cute cousin of Elian’s." George W. Bush
goes a step further, pledging to appoint
Elian -- whether or not he learns English --
as secretary of state. "He’d help improve
relations with Cuba," Bush says. "He’d be
able to speak to that Fidel guy, whatever his
last name is."
SEPTEMBER: Life magazine revives itself
by changing its name to Elian’s Life. Each
issue features new pictures of Elian smiling
beside his father. The magazine attracts
5 million new readers with pictorials such
as "Elian meets the Pope," "Elian visits the
White House," and "Elian replaces Kathie
Lee." Marisleysis Gonzalez challenges the
authenticity of the photographs, asking,
"How come Elian’s hair never moves?"
Republicans launch another inquiry.
OCTOBER: Republicans finally decide to
support a gun control bill. The bill would
restrict the use of automatic weapons -- not
by ordinary citizens and criminals, but by
federal agents. "We cannot have our agents
carrying such powerful weapons when
raiding homes," Sen. Bob Smith says.
"Elian was scared to death and his second
cousin, Marisleysis, has been traumatized
for life. Poor girl may never own a machine
gun."
NOVEMBER: Cuban-American singer
Gloria Estefan returns to the top of the
music charts with a new album called
"Illegal Elian." The title song includes these
lyrics: "Elian, we wanted you to stay, but
Janet Reno’s thugs stole you away. Elian,
they put you in an Astro van, just to send you
to the Castro man."
DECEMBER: Fidel Castro, still beaming
about the raid on the Gonzalez home, offers
to appoint Janet Reno as Cuba’s attorney
general. "Here in Cuba, you can use as
much force as you want," Castro says. "You
won’t have to worry about being criticized.
We don’t have any Republicans."
JANUARY 2001: The American Red Cross
hires Elian to teach a survival course. The
first part of the course is called "how to
survive in the ocean when your boat
capsizes." The second part is called "how to
survive a five-month stay with an annoying
cousin and drunken uncle."
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