Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

NEW POPULATION STRATEGY MAY WORK WELL

About a year ago, I wrote a column about India's population
growth and how people would soon reminisce about the past,
saying, "Remember the good old days when India's population
was only one billion?"

I suggested several strategies to control the population,
including giving free televisions to people in densely
populated states like Uttar Pradesh and Rajasthan, so they
would have another way to entertain themselves.

I imagined an Indian woman saying to her husband: "Put your
clothes back on, dear. Amitabh is on TV again. Isn't he
handsome?"

Well, it turns out that what I had suggested jokingly isn't
so far-fetched after all. But don't get too excited: The
Indian government won't be handing out free TVs anytime
soon. No, not even if you pledge your lifetime support for
the BJP.

The government has decided, instead, to make TVs cheaper as
part of its family planning policy, according to Reuters.
``Entertainment is an important component of the population
policy,'' Health Minister C.P. Thakur told lawmakers in
parliament. ``We want people to watch television.''

An important component? You mean it's as important as sex
education and contraception? I'm finally beginning to
understand why my wife keeps a TV in our bedroom.

This population-control strategy works in a couple of
important ways, as Thakur may soon explain to people:

Woman: "My husband always wants to sleep with me. He's
turned on all night. What should I do?"

Thakur: "Buy a TV. And keep it turned on all night."

Woman: "What if my husband doesn't watch? What if the TV
doesn't distract him?"

Thakur: "The government has thought about that. If your
husband keeps coming after you, take the TV and drop it on
him."

Woman: "What a great strategy. My husband never believes me
when I say I have a headache. Now he'll be the one with the
headache."

The population-control strategy works especially well with
television shows that not only entertain people, but also
get them interested in other subjects. For example, "Kaun
Banega Crorepati," India's version of "Who Wants to Be A
Millionaire?" starring Amitabh Bachchan, gets viewers to
think about making money, not making love.

In contrast, the strategy may backfire if everyone starts
watching "Baywatch."

Prime Minister Vajpayee: "Dr. Thakur, how is our new
population strategy working?'

Thakur: "Not too well, Sir. Everybody started watching
'Baywatch' and our population is now two billion. We need to
ban the show. Too many beach bodies! They're getting
people aroused."

Vajpayee: "Ban 'Baywatch'? Are you crazy? Don't forget
that many of us are bachelors."

If the population keeps exploding, Star TV could try
scheduling "KBC" and "Baywatch" at the same time.

Wife: "Let's watch 'KBC.' Someone's going to win a lot of
money. A real genius."

Husband: "No, let's watch 'Baywatch.' Someone's going to run
on the beach. A real babe."

Wife: "Forget it! I refuse to watch scantily dressed women,
especially when I can watch a well-dressed Amitabh."

When couples are busy fighting over television shows,
they're usually not in the mood to get cozy with each other,
if you know what I mean. And trust me, it's not often that a
husband and wife can agree on what to watch.

So maybe the government's population-control strategy isn't
such a bad one. Television can definitely put a stop to
bedroom activities. That reminds me of a question I've been
meaning to ask: Does anybody want to buy a used TV?

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!