Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

ADULTERY OUGHT TO BE OUTLAWED

I have nothing against New York Mayor
Rudy Giuliani, but I hope he doesn’t beat
Hillary Clinton in the Senate race. As a
senator, the First Lady would aggressively
push pro-family legislation. I’m confident
she’d introduce a bill that makes it unlawful
for anyone, even politicians and celebrities,
to cheat on their spouses. Perhaps she’d
even honor her husband by naming it after
him: "The Bill bill."

By all accounts, Bill is a reformed man,
devoted to his wife. He hasn’t cheated on
her since the last millennium. He would
definitely support the law, especially since
Hillary would be hanging around all those
guys in Congress. Besides, he’ll be out of
power and unable to veto it. The only major
decision he’ll be making is "paper or
plastic."

America desperately needs such a law. At
least that’s what one of my friends insists.
Marital infidelity, she says, results in so
many problems, including broken families,
alienated children and impeachments. Not
to mention the immeasurable pain of a
betrayed spouse. I’m sure even Ivana
Trump cried -- before the divorce
settlement.

Even so, we often treat infidelity like a
minor misdeed. We’re much more
concerned about expired parking meters
and overdue library books. The library
never hesitates to fine slow readers like
me. If people who cheated on their
spouses were fined the same way, we’d be
able to pay off the national debt. With
enough money left over to lose a few more
things on Mars.

At times, we’re even amused by infidelity.
We laugh uproariously when Jerry Seinfeld
jokes on Saturday Night Live about having
"dated a couple of married women." As
though poor Jerry -- who broke up a
marriage -- couldn’t have found himself a
single woman. Last time I counted, there
were more than 20 million single women in
America. And with a little persuasion, at
least one or two may have been willing to
date a rich and famous comedian.

In 1990, the Kinsey Institute of Sex
Research estimated that 37% of married
men and 29% of married women had been
unfaithful. And that was before millions of
men got their hands on Viagra.

According to a recent survey, 3.5 million
American women are unknowingly at risk of
contracting the AIDS virus or other sexually
transmitted diseases -- because their
mates secretly sleep around.

Of course, America isn’t the only country
where infidelity is out of hand. In Britain,
there’s even a company that helps people
cheat. The Alibi Agency creates phony
invitations to seminars or conferences to
give people an excuse for going away.
"We’re actually trying to preserve the family,
to protect loved ones from the stress that
comes from suspecting your spouse is
cheating," company founder Ronnie Brock
told a Cox News Service reporter. It’s nice
to know that someone cares about
preserving the family.

A law against marital infidelity would
definitely help. But how would we punish
violators?

If this were Singapore, the punishment
would be obvious: a dozen whacks of a
cane. It would be great half-time
entertainment at a football game. The
television ratings would soar.

If this were Iran, the punishment would be a
lot more severe. Only Lorena Bobbitt would
watch.

But this is America, so we’d have to settle
for a few months in jail or a large fine. And
perhaps also a long visit to the dentist.

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