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| LET'S DRINK A TOAST TO THE ARMED FORCES There are many reasons to be grateful to the men and women of the Armed Forces. They fight for your freedom, protect you from attacks, and, whenever the need arises, pull foreign leaders out of holes. And they do all this while enduring terrible hardships, terrible conditions, and terrible haircuts. I'm not just talking about the U.S. Armed Forces. Every country has brave men and women willing to do whatever it takes to serve their nation's interests. The Ugandan Army, for example, recently rescued 318 people from rebel groups, and if that isn't impressive, the Russian Army did something few armies have ever done: They rescued 10 tons of beer. A truck carrying the beer had sunk to the bottom of a Siberian river while trying to cross the frozen surface. After a week-long rescue effort failed to retrieve the truck, Russian leaders agreed on military intervention, remembering the army's inspiring slogan: "Have no fear, we'll get the beer." When asked by Prime Minister Kasyanov to endorse the rescue mission, President Putin was at first reluctant. Putin: "No, I won't do it. I won't risk our soldiers' lives for a load of beer. Vodka, perhaps, but not beer! Have you already forgotten how we botched our other rescue attempts? Have you already forgotten the submarine disaster and the hostage debacle?" Kasyanov: "No, I have not forgotten. But if we don't rescue this beer, how will our people ever forget?" As reported by Reuters, the rescue team, working in bone-chilling weather, used a rope to pull the truck to a hole in the ice. After the kegs and bottles of beer were safely in their hands, the rope somehow broke and the truck sank to the bottom again. Asked if he was disappointed the truck wasn't retrieved, a Russian official said, "We got the beer! We got the beer!" As expected, the Russian Army has been receiving congratulatory phone calls from all over the world, as more people hear about the success of Operation Shock and Ale. American colonel: "Congratulations, Col. Petrovich! I hear that you and your troops just rescued 10 tons of beer. It's nice to see that the Russian Army is still good for something! You may not have the cold war to keep you occupied anymore, but at least you have cold beer." Russian colonel: "Well, Col. Morris, at least we found what we were looking for. Any luck with those weapons of mass destruction?" American: "No, Col. Petrovich, but we did find something bigger: Saddam Hussein." Russian: "Bah! You Americans might be proud about finding that old man, but as for us, we wouldn't even trade one beer for him." While appreciating the Russian rescue mission, we must admire military personnel for their willingness to do almost anything for their respective countries. At a moment's notice, they will travel anywhere in the world, surviving for months without their families, their friends, even their TVs. And what do they get in return? Not much glory, not much money, just the satisfaction of having served their countries well. After completing a difficult mission, they return home with only pride, honor, and, in some cases, beer. |
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