Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

ASTRONAUTS ARE A SPECIAL BREED

The word "hero" is overused, bestowed on athletes, actors,
singers -- even sandwiches. Give money to the library and
you're a hero. Help an old lady across the street and you're
a hero. Turn the radio off during a Britney Spears song and
you're a hero.

The world, it seems, is full of heroes. If someone ever
organized a heroes convention, it would be such a massive
endeavor -- surpassing even the Olympics -- that the
organizer would be deemed a hero.

Every country would send thousands of people to the
convention, leaving millions of others miffed about being
excluded, asking questions such as "Didn't I deliver the
mail every single day? What's more heroic than outrunning a
Chihuahua?"

If I'm certain of one thing about the seven astronauts who
perished in the Columbia space shuttle accident, it's this:
They wouldn't consider themselves heroes. "No," they'd say.
"We were just doing what we love to do. Some people enjoy
going to the bars; we enjoy going to the stars. They like to
get drunk; we like to get high. Really high."

Their humility aside, it takes a special person to be an
astronaut. For one thing, you have to be brilliant. NASA
doesn't launch you into outer space just to look around.
They don't put you up there to send cool email to your
friends: "Hi Anita. Wish you were here. The view is awesome!
I didn't realize the world was so round. And for some
reason, I can't make out the countries. What happened to all
the borders?"

NASA expects you to conduct experiments up there -- and I'm
not talking about the type of experiment you do when you
pour leftover beer on your houseplants. "Ah, just as my
biology teacher said. My fern grows faster with lots of
light -- especially Bud Light."

NASA likes experiments that are somewhat scientific and
preferably above a fourth-grade level. It helps if you have
an advanced degree, especially one in aerospace science. It
also helps if you're a problem-solver, if you don't keep
scratching your head and saying to your crewmates, "This is
rocket science, you know."

To be an astronaut, you also need a great amount of courage,
knowing that you'd be much safer doing another job, such as
selling G-string bikinis in Iran.

You can't be an astronaut if you suffer from acrophobia
(fear of heights), astrophobia (fear of stars and celestial
space), or roomsharephobia (fear of having several
roommates).

I'd be afraid of getting lost in space. I get lost easily.
Just the other day, I got lost in my wife's wardrobe. Had to
use my cell phone to call for help. "Where am I? I'm not
sure. I think I turned left at the shirts, right at the
pants and made a U-turn at the belts. But it's dark in here
and I'm scared. Please come and get me, honey."

The Columbia astronauts knew the risks. They knew that
returning to earth was no guarantee. But they wanted to be
up there, they wanted to conduct  their experiments, they
wanted to contribute to human advancement.

Michael Anderson, David Brown, Kalpana Chawla, Laurel Clark,
Rick Husband, William McCool, Ilan Ramon.

Heroes.

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