Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

ADVERTISING CAN HELP YOU FIND A MATE

The other day, as I drove on the highway, a bumper sticker
on a sports car caught my eye. It read, "Honk if you want
me." I was about to honk, because if there's such a thing as
love at first sight, this was it. I wanted that good-looking
car.

But then I realized that the sticker was for the driver, not
the car. And I couldn't help feeling a little angry. Why
didn't I think of bumper stickers when I was single? Perhaps
I could have found a wife sooner, instead of waiting until I
was old enough to enjoy bingo.

All those years in college and I couldn't think of such a
simple way to find a mate. It's no wonder people say that
the American education system is flawed. Even in my
advertising course, the professor never said a word about
bumper stickers, at least not on the days I was awake.

For so many years, I wasted valuable space on my bumper. I
could have placed several stickers, side by side, with
messages such as:

---If you're cute, I'm available.

---If I'm cute, you're drunk. Please pull over.

---Honk if you want me and you're a female.

---Honk if you have a job and no diseases.

---Single man on board, needs someone to nag him.

---Add some spice to your life. Marry an Indian.

Of course, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I did find my
lovely wife through an advertisement, a matrimonial ad on
the Internet. It cost a little more than a bumper sticker,
but who said good romance is cheap?

While it's too late for me to take advantage of bumper
stickers -- except for one that says, "If you need
directions, ask my wife!" - I'm encouraging all single
people to consider bumper stickers and other kinds of ads.
Remember: Advertising isn't just for beer companies and
politicians.

If you're reluctant to advertise, maybe that's because you
believe in destiny. You believe there's only one special
person for you and you'll eventually run into that person,
perhaps while visiting the grocery store, the post office or
the local prison. That's a nice thought, but what if that
special person happens to live in Burundi? And what if he or
she has no intention of visiting your town?

If you want to be more certain of finding your mate, you
need to take control of your destiny. You need to spend some
money and buy yourself a ticket to Burundi.

No, seriously, you need to think about advertising, whether
you're a man or woman or both. You can employ a variety of
ads, depending on your time, budget and level of
desperation. Remember: Desperate situations call for
desperate measures.

You can buy personal ads, matrimonial ads, patrimonial ads,
television ads, billboard ads, Burundi ads, ads on cars, ads
on buses, ads on Monica Lewinsky. Yes, for $2 million,
Monica will tattoo your phone number in a special place. And
for another twenty bucks, she'll let you see it. Regularly.

Remember: Ads are just a way of meeting people. You still
have to filter out (reject, dump, ditch) the bad prospects,
the ones who make your last blind date seem breathtaking.

Be very suspicious of a trucker who spots your bumper
sticker, honks and shouts, "Hey babe! What's your number?"
In such situations, it's always a good idea to flash a card
that says, "Hey stud!  My number is 555-G-E-T-L-O-S-T!"

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