Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

SOME CALLS CAN BE DANGEROUS

Two men are seated in a restaurant, facing
each other. "I love you, sweetie," one man
whispers. Says the other man: "I can’t wait
to be home with you."

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure
out what these men are. They are
compulsive cellular-phone users. Like a
growing number of people around the
world, they’re constantly on the phone, no
matter what they’re doing -- driving,
shopping, making love. "Bill, thanks for
calling. Please tell me all about your
ingenious plan to save Microsoft. But
excuse me if I don’t say anything for a little
while. I have to do something important
with my wife. I'll respond in about two or
three minutes."

More than 85 million Americans use cell
phones. And at least 20 million of them
desperately need to have the phones
surgically removed from their ears. But
instead, they would probably spend
thousands of dollars to undergo cell-phone
implantation surgery. Especially if their
teeth could be used as a dial pad. That
way, their hands would be free to do other
things, such as play golf, fly a plane or grab
a Cuban boy.

Cell phones used to be a status symbol for
the rich, but now almost anyone can afford
them. Just the other day, I spotted a
homeless man using one to order a new
cardboard box. It won’t be long before even
prisoners have their own "cell" phones.

Not surprisingly, most people use cell
phones for personal calls, not for business
or emergencies. The phones are especially
handy for travelers: "Hi honey, I just called to
say I’m at the airport now" ... "Hi honey, I
just called to say I’m on the plane now" ...
"Hi honey, I just called to say I’m throwing
up now."

Despite the convenience, I’d rather not own
a cell phone. I don't want to be contacted
everywhere. I don’t want to have
conversations like this:

"Good morning Melvin. Where are you?"

"In my bathroom."

"What are you doing?"

"Catching up on my reading."

"Do you have a few minutes to chat?"

"Yes, but hold on a minute while I flush. We
can talk while I floss."

Cell phones are useful to many people, but
can also be annoying and dangerous. It’s
important to follow a few guidelines:

---Do not use a cell phone in places where
you could potentially disturb others, such as
theaters, libraries and churches. If you must
make a call, try to be considerate. For
example, if you’re chatting with a friend
about sports teams during a church service,
try to use appropriate language. It’s OK to
say, "How ’bout them Saints!" or "The
Angels are truly amazing!" But it’s in bad
taste to say, "The Devils rule the world!" or
"The Cardinals are making too many
passes."

---Do not use a cell phone while you drive,
especially in an urban area like New York
City. It’s dangerous and impractical. With
one hand on the cell phone and the other
hand on the steering wheel, how can you
be expected to safely return an obscene
gesture?

---For your own safety, do not use a cell
phone in any building that’s within five miles
of Linda Tripp.

---Don’t hesitate to use a cell phone during
emergencies. This is not an emergency:
needing to call your wife to find out the
score of a football game. This is an
emergency: needing to call your wife to tell
her about a big sale at Victoria’s Secret.

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!