Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

CRICKET: INDIA'S PASSION, AMERICA'S INSECT

If there's one major downside to living in America,
particularly for people of South Asian origin, it's that
cricket takes a backseat to almost everything. Ask the
average American man if he likes to watch cricket and he'll
say, "No way. They're far too noisy. I'd much rather watch
grasshoppers."

But ask the average Indian man if he likes to watch cricket
and he'll fly into a rage, tearing at his hair and shouting,
"Cricket! Don't ask me about cricket! I'm not talking about
cricket until we beat those $%&* Aussies!"

Most Americans are more familiar with Jennifer Aniston's bra
size than the rules of cricket. Many don't even realize it's
a sport, let alone a popular one. They may claim to be
experts on bowling, but don't ask them to name a single
pacer or spinner.

The sports network ESPN gives American viewers hardly a
second of cricket news, preferring to televise more popular
sports such as log-rolling and nose-picking. Cricket doesn't
even merit as much coverage as the National Spelling Bee,
though most of the young contestants, unlike cricket fans,
have no idea how to spell "Harbhajan" and "Tendulkar."

The spelling champ is often honored on the front page of USA
Today and other top newspapers. For cricket maestro Sachin
Tendulkar to receive that much attention, he'd have to go on
a batting rampage, clubbing his opponents to death. Even
then, it probably wouldn't be the top story in America,
especially if Jennifer Aniston gets a new hairdo.

While the 2003 Cricket World Cup captivated a billion people
in India -- many of them praying not for their own health
but for Ashish Nehra's sprained ankle -- thousands of
Indians in America had to shell out $299.95 to DISH network
for the privilege of throwing objects at their TVs. "Come
on, Ganguly!" they screamed. "You're batting like my
grandma!"

India's early-round loss to Australia sparked a frenzy that
few Americans could fathom, even with the aid of beer. Fans
in Kolkata staged a mock funeral for captain Sourav Ganguly,
while those in Mumbai burned posters of Ganguly, Tendulkar
and Virender Sehwag, displaying enough venom to frighten an
army of cobras.

Judging by the anger, you would have thought the cricketers
had done something dreadful, such as wearing the colors of
Pakistan. Losing to such a formidable foe would have caused
a mere ripple in most countries, but produced a monsoon in
India, with cricket fans staying up all night to think of
ways to torture the players.

Mumbai fan: "We'll paint Ganguly's head and pull Tendulkar's
nails off."

Friend: "No, yaar. Let's paint Tendulkar's nails and pull
Ganguly's head off."

Imagine the pressure on the Indian team when they faced
Pakistan a few days later.

Ganguly: "OK, team, here's the plan. If we win, we're
dancing all night. If we lose, we're defecting to South
Africa."

Meanwhile, in America, most people were far more relaxed,
their country not embroiled in cricket matches, just the
prospect of war. Few had any clue that a World Cup was
taking place, which made it easier on some cricket fans.

Computer programmer: "Hello boss. I won't be coming to work
today. I'm not feeling well again."

Boss: "That's too bad, Ramesh. Have you seen a doctor?"

Programmer: "Yes, boss. Dr. Gupta is here right now,
checking my blood pressure. I hope my health insurance
covers this. It's costing me $299.95."

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