Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

EVERYTHING'S DISPOSABLE, BUT THE BABY

People often ask me how my life has changed since my baby
daughter, Lekha, was born. Well, I've had to do a lot of
changing: changing sleep habits, changing schedules, and, of
course, changing diapers.

I don't mind changing diapers, because it gives me something
to do every 10 minutes. Each time is a new discovery. "Wow!"
I say to my wife proudly. "You should come and take a look.
Our daughter is getting quite good at this. Only one month
old and already so talented!"

These days I spend my time either changing diapers or taking
out the trash. Those are my main roles in our household. My
wife feeds the baby, my mother-in-law feeds the adults, and
I feed the trash bin.

Our household is producing more trash, on a daily basis,
than Jerry Springer. That's because we're using scads of
disposable diapers, disposable wipes, and disposable
washcloths, which may explain why we have no disposable
income.

In case you're concerned about the environment, wondering if
we're on a mission to destroy it, let me make two points in
our defense. Firstly, all these disposable items are fully
biodegradable. They are guaranteed to decompose within 10
million years. So don't you worry about future generations!
They will be just fine, living on the moon.

Secondly, my wife and I tried to use cloth diapers -- my
mother-in-law had brought some from India -- but they
weren't too absorbent. We quickly opted for disposables.
We weren't interested in having a multicolored carpet.

Visitor: "What an interesting carpet! Did you buy it at
Carpet Mart?"

Me: "No, it's an original, made by a famous Russian
designer. His name is Yuri Nator."

The disposable-diaper makers would have us believe that
cloth diapers are just as harmful to the environment, with
all the water and detergent that's needed to keep them
clean. If that's the case, perhaps we should all switch to
disposable clothes. Women would love that. Instead of doing
the laundry, they could just go shopping!

Wife: "Bye, honey. I'm off to Macy's to buy next month's
dresses."

Husband: "Don't forget to get me underwear. A pack of 50,
please."

Wife: "Paper or plastic?"

Husband: "Plastic. I'm tired of getting all those paper
cuts."

Disposable clothes may seem farfetched, but just look at
everything that's disposable these days: cups, plates,
cutlery, bottles, pens, razors, contact lenses, cameras,
husbands, wives ...

It won't be long before we see disposable phones, disposable
radios and disposable teeth. Perhaps even disposable
breasts. (Keep praying, Pamela Anderson.)

Just use it once and throw it out. That sounds so
convenient, so appealing, so wasteful.

In 1999, each U.S. resident produced an average of 4.6
pounds of waste per day, compared with only 2.7 pounds in
1960, according to the Environmental Protection Agency
(EPA). Shocking, isn't it? I'm not sure what's growing
faster: my waste or my waist.

So where does all this waste go? Well, part of it goes to
landfills, part goes to incinerators, and part goes to other
countries -- the ones that don't have an EPA.

Lekha's diapers will probably end up in a landfill, a
special treat for the archeologists of the future.

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