Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

DON'T BAIL OUT OF MARRIAGE TOO SOON

Feel like getting a divorce? Forget about it. A new study
shows that splitting up won't necessarily make you happier,
that you have a better chance of being happy if you stay
with your lousy, good-for-nothing spouse.

Hey, people change. Situations change. Even body odors
change. (Today he smells like sour milk; tomorrow he may
smell like fine cheese.)

So tear up that divorce petition. Get rid of that divorce
lawyer. And send your spouse a box of candy and a note: "Did
I say I want a divorce? I meant to say I want a device! Yes,
a new remote control. This is all a big misunderstanding,
honey. It's my fault, really. I need to work on my
pronunciations."

The study, conducted primarily at the University of Chicago,
identified 645 unhappy spouses in a national database. After
five years, 167 were divorced or separated, with about half
of them happy. (The ones who got custody of the Lexus.)

Of the 478 who stayed married, two-thirds were happy. What
does all this mean? It's simple: Living with a
pain-in-the-neck is better than trying to chop it off.

Anything can happen in five years to improve a marriage:
more communication, more commitment, more Viagra.

Of course, in some marriages, five years may seem an
eternity. Just ask the former wives of Mike Tyson if they'd
give him five years. "Five years? Sure, we'd give him five
years -- in the slammer! Certainly not with us. As the
divorce court judge said, we're done serving our time."

For these women and others, living in matrimony was never as
joyful as living on alimony.

But even the worst marriages can be saved, as the study
clearly shows. Of the unhappiest spouses who stuck it out, a
staggering 80% were happy five years later, perhaps because
they all received free marriage counseling -- almost every
day on Oprah.

Interviews of the once-unhappy spouses revealed three
routes to happiness:

---Marital endurance: As time went by, sources of conflict
eased. Household incomes grew, gifts of jewelry arrived, and
the nightly headaches disappeared. "Not tonight, honey"
turned into "Not just tonight, honey."

---Marital work: Spouses worked hard to save their
marriages. Their winning strategies included changing their
behavior, improving communication skills, and finding time
to wear deodorant.

---Personal change: Spouses discovered ways to be happy
despite a mediocre marriage. Some focused on their jobs,
others focused on their children, and a few focused on
Antonio Banderas.

Middle-aged woman: "My husband doesn't find me attractive
anymore, but Antonio thinks I'm cute."

Friend: "You've spoken to Antonio Banderas???"

Woman: "Of course. I speak to Antonio all the time. Every
time I visit his website. That's why I bought a computer. I
can use my Hotmail account to send Antonio some really
hot mail."

Friend: "Perhaps you should try Yahoo, because that's
exactly what you're turning into."

When marriages go sour, divorce may seem like the best
answer, at least for those who aren't content with the
Internet. But the study seems to indicate otherwise. With
the divorce rate soaring in America, perhaps more people
should just hang in there and work on their marriages.

"Honey, did I say that I'm leaving you? Well, I didn't
finish my sentence. I meant to say that I'm leaving you
all my credit cards. Buy whatever makes you happy: a diamond
ring, a pearl necklace, a poster of Antonio Banderas."

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