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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

DIVORCING OURSELVES FROM DOWRY

When my wife, Malathi, and I tied the knot a few years ago,
no one in our families mentioned dowry, though many people
in our native India still practice the traditional, but
illegal system of paying to have a daughter married. I
didn't demand any money, appliances or property, not because
I didn't need them, but because it was against my principles
to have Malathi, as well as her parents, laugh hysterically
in my face. "You want dowry? You're a writer, not a doctor.
You should be giving US dowry!"

My parents-in-law did give me a gold bracelet, but that's
nothing compared to what some grooms get: loads of cash,
color TVs, computers, refrigerators, ovens, washers and
dryers. A few lucky men even get cars, scooters and
motorcycles. While American grooms find themselves humming
"Here comes the bride," Indian grooms find themselves
singing, "Here comes the ride."

Friend: "How was your wedding night?"

Groom: "It was wonderful, just wonderful -- until I ran out
of gas."

Friend: "Really? Was the bride disappointed?"

Groom: "I don't know. She didn't come along."

Yes, the dowry system can be a windfall for grooms and their
parents, but it has a dark side, sometimes resulting in
violence against brides whose families can't satisfy the
demands. Dowry was rightfully outlawed in 1961, though
someone apparently forgot to tell the masses, many of whom
practice dowry so openly and steadfastly that some tourists
are led to believe that it's REQUIRED BY LAW.

But recently, one brave bride decided to take a stand
against her greedy groom, setting an example that could
inspire many others to challenge the dowry system. Nisha
Sharma, 21, of Delhi, had her groom, Munish Dalal, hauled
off to jail after he and his parents allegedly demanded a
car and about $25,000 just before the wedding.

A car and $25,000? Dalal must have thought he was on an
American game show. "Munish Dalal, this is your lucky day.
To win a new car and $25,000, all you have to do is act like
a piece of money-grubbing scum."

Sharma has not only become a national icon, she has received
dozens of marriage offers from eligible men, many of whom
are willing to settle for "just the car." Actually, the men
don't want any dowry at all, don't want to share a room with
her former groom.

But Sharma, wisely, has decided not to get married for now,
but to complete her education. Marriage may be a great
institution, but it's a lot cheaper to get into Harvard. An
educated woman can support herself -- and look for a groom
who values her, not the big-screen TV.

"My message to all young girls, is to resist dowry demands,"
Sharma told UPI. She has already inspired at least two women
to walk out on their marriages and many more may follow. Who
knows, if this continues, the dowry system may crumble. And
Munish Dalal and his ilk will just have to find another way
to get a car, such as saying "I do" to a special person --
the loan officer at a bank.

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