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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

ALCOHOL LURES BUSH TWINS AND OTHERS

Jenna and Barbara Bush, the 19-year-old twin daughters of
President George W. Bush, are suddenly a lot more famous --
and not out of choice. The sisters were busted recently for
underage drinking, after Jenna used someone else's ID to
order a margarita at a Texas restaurant. You'd think the
daughter of a president would know better. You'd think she'd
know exactly where to buy a good ID.

It had been almost a month since Jenna was first charged
with underage drinking and she was eager to do it again. A
dedicated restaurant employee immediately called 911,
obeying the rules of the Federal Emergency Management
Agency, which state that "citizens must call 911 whenever
they witness any fires, heart attacks, car accidents, or
serious cases of Bush boozing."

The owner of the restaurant later apologized for the 911
call, admitting that the restaurant employee did not follow
the correct procedure. As everybody knows, the correct
procedure, when you witness a member of the Bush family
breaking the law, is to first call as many newspapers as
possible. Especially the tabloids.

After they've taken dozens of pictures and paid you at least
$100,000, you can make more calls -- to as many Democrats as
you know, so they can start partying. Hey, it's not everyday
that they catch the Bush family misbehaving.

Once you've made enough calls to thoroughly embarrass the
president, you can call the police, just in case they're not
too busy solving murders at the local doughnut shop.

And if you still have enough energy, you may call the White
House, so Ari Fleischer, the press secretary, can prepare
his answers to the flurry of media questions: "The president
wants to handle this matter privately. ... No, he will not
scold his daughters on CNN. ... No, not even if Larry King
promises to retire. ... No, the president isn't proud that
his daughters are following in his footsteps. ... No, he
didn't buy them their first keg of beer."

Ironically, the Bush twins broke an underage drinking law
that their father signed in 1997 when he was Governor of
Texas. And even more ironically, it was a "zero tolerance"
law, signed by a man whose tolerance was legendary.

Instead of trying to control his daughters, the president
may prefer doing something easier, such as solving the
Middle East crisis.

President: "Don't you know you're too young to drink? Shame
on you!"

Jenna: "Well, at least we didn't drink and drive, like
someone else we know."

President: "Are you talking about me? You'd better not be
talking about me, young lady."

Jenna: "No, Dad, we're talking about Dick Cheney! He set a
bad example for us. You ought to reprimand him. And while
you're at it, why don't you reprimand his boss, too!"

The twins are obviously at an awkward age. A 19-year-old is
too young to drink, much to the president's relief, but old
enough to date, much to the former president's relief.

The Republicans, of course, want the media to leave the
twins alone. Not only is this a private affair, the twins
are no different from other youngsters, they say. Indeed,
drinking is a major problem among college students. The only
B.A. many of them will ever earn is bachelor of alcohol.

Even so, I'm sure the Democrats are gloating. During Bill
Clinton's scandals, they grew weary of Republicans preaching
about family values. Now they want to shout their response:
"Family values? The Bush family values alcohol!"

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