Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

VOTER TURNOUT NEEDS TO BE HIGHER

The presidential election has left me stunned. It
was so close that Democrats and Republicans
have reached a compromise and will refer to the
new president by this name: Al Bush.

Al (Gore) will serve as president on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays; (George W.) Bush will
lead the country on Tuesdays, Thursdays and
Saturdays. Sundays go to Senator Hillary.

Even more stunning than the tight race was the
fact that so many people, even those in West
Virginia, remembered to vote. For the first time
in American history, there were more people
voting than sleeping. What happened? Did
someone send out a letter reminding everyone
that America is a democracy? Or did Gore
promise to give every voter a kiss?

Voter turnout was so high that the average
election worker had time for only 14 snacks.
They usually eat at least 20, while waiting,
with great patience, for the next pizza delivery.
And by the end of the day, many have trouble
voting, because they can’t fit in the booths. Yes,
it’s a vicious cycle.

Most years, hardly anybody shows up to vote.
Turnout is so low that some candidates win just
by getting all their mistresses to vote. How do
you think Bill Clinton was elected? He had
strong showings in all 50 states.

This year, the two major parties and other
groups spent more than $150 million to urge
people to vote. In Milwaukee, a group of
Democratic volunteers handed out cigarettes to
homeless people. I’m not sure if they were
trying to recruit a few voters -- or eliminate a
few. In Atlanta, a Republican group opposed to
gun control offered voters free raffle tickets.
The winner gets a $1,000 gun, but not before
paying $6 in fees, passing state and federal
background checks, and promising not to shoot
any Republicans.

In an ideal democracy, turnout would exceed
90 percent. Even sick people would vote. They
have no excuse, considering that in some parts
of America, including Georgia, thousands of
votes have been cast, since 1980, by people
confirmed to be dead. If dead people can vote
and a dead man can run for election (in
Missouri), how much more should we expect
from people who are alive?

Unfortunately, many Americans practice
democracy by electing not to vote. That’s why
we need some new strategies to increase voter
turnout, such as these:

--- Allow voters to not only pick candidates but
also pick numbers for a special lottery. The
winner gets a million dollars and the chance to
make even more money as a White House intern.

---Find a way, perhaps by recruiting
aggressively at street corners, social clubs and
bars, to pick better presidential candidates.

---Announce before each election that several
non-voters will be picked at random and sent on
a special vacation with their mothers-in-law.
Unmarried non-voters will be sent on a special
vacation with Queen Elizabeth.

---Give every voter a complimentary gift. No,
not a cigarette or gun, but something that could
really enhance their lives: Viagra.

---Add ballot initiatives and referendums that
appeal to young voters. Instead of same-sex
marriages, gun control and school vouchers,
give them a chance to decide issues they really
care about, such as which Backstreet Boy is the
cutest. Or whether Britney Spears needs a new
hairdo.

---Send non-voters on trips to countries such as
Libya and Iraq, where they can meet other
people who don’t vote. Maybe they’ll stop taking
democracy for granted.

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