Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

EMAIL HAS MADE THE WORLD A LOT SMALLER

Thirty years ago, a Massachusetts engineer named Ray
Tomlinson sent a message from one computer to another,
inventing a system of communication that would revolutionize
the way people around the world exchanged jokes.

Thanks to email, a friend of mine in Pennsylvania,
believing that the recent terrorist attacks on America
hadn't scared me enough, sent me a picture of what President
Bush would look like if the Taliban took over America.
I may never eat again.

Thanks to email, my wife and I keep in touch during the day
by forwarding various articles to each other. Her first
words upon returning home: "Did you read the articles I
forwarded you?" My first words: "No, I was too busy
forwarding articles to you."

Thanks to email, several men in Nigeria have sent me
confidential messages, offering to split millions of dollars
with me if I help them transfer the money abroad. Email
allows me to receive such lucrative offers from around
the world, not just from American crooks.

Yes, email has come a long way since Tomlinson sent that
first message in late 1971. And like almost all major
inventions -- guns, cars, baseball bats -- it has been used
for good and evil.

The emails I've received in the last month include:

---Dozens of attachments carrying computer viruses, the
electronic version of the anthrax bacteria. Thankfully,
computer viruses do not result in physical harm to humans,
though that could change quickly if I ever run into a virus
creator.

---An Asian entrepreneur's offer to sell a product called
Viacreme, touted as the "women's Viagra." It's the answer to
many prayers, I'm sure. With enough Viacreme and Viagra, sex
will be viable.

---Five copies of a press release from a company called
BioShield Technologies announcing better than expected
revenue in the first quarter of its fiscal year. I'm so
impressed, I've forwarded all five copies to my recycle bin.

---An irresistible opportunity to make "over half million
dollars every 4 to 5 months from your home for an investment
of only $25 ... thanks to the computer age and the
Internet!" It sounds rather promising: All I have to do is
send in $25, then spend the next five months searching the
Internet for 20,000 suckers like me.

But despite its frequent misuse, email has benefited most
users. For example, soon after the terrorist attacks,
when phone lines were jammed, email allowed Americans
to get vital information and tell family and friends exactly
what they'd like to do to Osama bin Laden. (The best
suggestion: Kidnap him, give him a sex change and
return him to Afghanistan to live under the Taliban.)

My mother absolutely loves email, for she can keep in touch
with friends and relatives in America, India, South Africa
and other countries without paying phone bills or spending
her golden years in line at the post office. Her Hotmail
account has more activity than Bill Gates' bank account.

I'm grateful for email, too, because it allows me to send my
column to thousands of readers around the globe, including a
longtime subscriber in Poland who is still waiting for some
humor. "I thought he was a humorist. Maybe he's a humanist."

Email has helped make the world a lot smaller, so small that
even Eskimos are enjoying the funny picture of
President Bush.

And we owe it all to an engineer named Ray Tomlinson, a man
whose contribution to science is almost as great as his
contribution to comedy.

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!