Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

GET READY FOR SOME FIRST-RATE FIRST AID

If you happen to have a serious accident when I'm around,
don't panic. I just took a first-aid class. I know how to
handle life-threatening injuries. Even if you're bleeding
profusely, I'll try my best to save your life, as soon as
someone revives me.

Here's how I expect things to go: You bleed, I faint,
someone revives me, I save your life, the president gives me
a medal of honor, I offer him valuable advice on the
economy, he appoints me as ambassador to the Bahamas.

See how easy that would be? If you do your part, I promise
to do mine. I may even invite you to the islands.

Whatever happens, please don't think I took the first-aid
class for selfish reasons. After all, there's no guarantee
the president would give me a medal, especially since so
many people -- firefighters, paramedics, police officers --
are more deserving. Some of these everyday heroes have saved
dozens of lives, administering not just first aid, but also
second and third aid.

Truth is, I hope I never have to provide first aid. I hope I
never have to figure out if a man has suffered a stroke or
just finished checking his stocks.

But in case I do, I plan to be fully prepared -- ready to
swing into action. Yes, from now on, I'm not going
anywhere without my first-aid manual.

Don't worry. The manual is only a backup for my brain,
which, despite its size, has a limited capacity to store
anything unrelated to football. (I'm an expert on ankle
sprains, knee injuries and hamstring pulls, not to mention
swollen heads.)

In an emergency, I would immediately provide first aid to
the victim, then check the manual to make sure I did the
right thing. Hopefully, a heart-attack victim would not mind
having his head bandaged.

"Don't worry, sir," I'd say. "I'll remove the bandage before
the paramedics arrive. You'll soon be able to breathe
again."

Before taking the three-hour class, I didn't know the first
thing about first aid. Now I at least know a few things,
including the difference between an allergic reaction to
pollen and an allergic reaction to politicians. The symptoms
are often similar -- nausea, confusion, dizziness -- but
only the latter produces persistent pain in the butt.

I learned that most victims do not need to be fed, though
diabetics can be given sugar, while people with strains,
contusions and sprains can be treated with RICE (Rest, Ice,
Compress, Elevate).

I learned that there are three types of bleeding -- and one
of them isn't "bleeding heart." There are also three types
of burns, the most famous of which is Edward.

I learned that a knocked-out tooth can be saved in a
container of milk and taken to a dentist. And whenever
possible, it also helps to take along the victim.

I learned that Good Samaritan laws protect me from being
sued, as long as I meet certain conditions. For example, I
must act in good faith (even if the victim has no faith in
me). I must accept no compensation (even if the victim is
Bill Gates). And once I begin treatment, I must not abandon
the victim (even if I need to get more rice).

Most importantly, I learned that a first-aid class is
well-worth the trouble. You never know whose life you
might save. And saving a life sure beats taking one.

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