Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

OUR LIVES WILL ONE DAY SEEM SO PRIMITIVE

After recently writing several stories about
life in the first decade of this century, I
couldn't help thinking how primitive those
people were. They had to live without
electricity, running water and Viagra.

Radios and televisions didn't exist, so
families often had to spend their evenings
talking to each other. Parents knew where
their children were and what they were
smoking.

High school students didn't own calculators
and had to know how to add and subtract.
Many even knew how to multiply and divide!

Ed McMahon was not yet born, so people
had a lot less mail.

No one owned credit cards, so it was hard
to go bankrupt.

I can't help wondering what people will write
about us 100 years from now. Perhaps it
will sound something like this:

Life was a struggle for the primitive people
of the late 1990s.

Many didn't own computers and had to
speak to each other face to face. Hugging
and shaking hands were popular forms of
greeting, making it easier for people to
spread germs. As a result, today's
uncommon cold was quite common then.

Robots were rare and unsophisticated,
forcing people to work hard for a living.
Most worked as many as 40 hours a week,
with only Saturday and Sunday to play golf.

Only a few worked from home. They had to
be at their factories and offices to get work
done and endured an inhumane
requirement: facing their bosses.

Disgruntled workers were common,
especially at the post office. The popularity
of e-mail would later turn the post office into
the ghost office.

People carried money around, in the form
of notes and coins, because many places,
including yard sales, thrift shops and
churches, did not accept credit cards. Even
beggars accepted only cash.

People had to diet and exercise to lose
weight, because they didn't have any
liposuction drive-throughs.

Plastic surgery was expensive, so only a
few people, including actors, television
anchors and White House interns, were
good-looking. Many of the rest had to rely
on dark glasses and makeup.

President Bill Clinton was widely criticized
and ridiculed for his affair with Monica
Lewinsky, a White House intern. People
never imagined that fooling around with the
president would one day become an
internship requirement.

People drove primitive vehicles called cars
that could not fly. Only a few owned
helicopters. Cars were not computerized,
so drivers had to control and steer them.
Drivers also needed directions, forcing
many men to spend half their lives driving
in circles.

Few people used virtual stores. Going
shopping meant searching for a parking
spot for a few minutes, walking around a 
store for a few hours, and standing in line
at the cash registers for a few days.

Many people used forks, spoons and
knives to feed themselves. Others used
chopsticks and their hands. Only those on 
life support were fed through tubes. To eat
ice cream, people had to scoop it into
bowls, instead of sucking it through a tube.

Primitive sports included football and
boxing. Boxers often beat each other to a
pulp, while people cheered. One famous
boxer even bit another. And he was back in
the ring faster than you can say barbarian.

We should all be thankful we didn't live
during that terrible period.

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