(Melvin is traveling and did not write a new column this week. This column
originally appeared in August 2000 in a slightly different version.)
HAPPINESS REQUIRES THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE
At times I wonder why so many people seem unhappy with their
lives. Don't they appreciate what they have? Are they
comparing themselves to others? Do they have a slow Internet
connection?
I think a lot of it has to do with perspective -- or the
lack of it. Having proper perspective means that you don't
worry about small things and you don't take your blessings
for granted. A woman with perspective isn't concerned that
her boyfriend is short, because she knows he can easily kiss
her feet. A man with perspective isn't concerned that his
girlfriend is overweight, because he knows there'll be more
of her to love.
However bleak our lives may seem, there's always someone in
the world who'd be thrilled to be in our shoes. We often
worry about so many insignificant things: the score of the
football game, the number of dresses we own, the complexion
of our skin, the prestige of our jobs, the size of our bald
spots. And we take for granted so many important things:
health, family, friendships, food, shelter, fresh air, clean
water, freedom. I love freedom -- the freedom to pursue a
dream, the freedom to eat lots of ice cream.
But imagine a guy who's been unemployed for years. As he
scans the employment ads, he prays, "God, if you just give
me a good job, I'll be happy for the rest of my life." His
prayer is answered and soon he's earning a high salary,
praying, "God, if you just give me a good wife, I'll be
happy for the rest of my life." His prayer is answered and
soon he's going shopping with his new wife, praying, "God,
if you just give me a second job ..."
Think of the poor farmer in an African village who grows
just enough corn to feed his family. He's happy with his
life, though he lives in a tiny hut, wears tattered clothing
and has never even heard of the Internet. When he feels like
chatting with someone, he doesn't go online or push buttons
on a cell phone. He does something really strange -- he
chats with his family. Imagine that.
Then there's the dot.com tycoon in California who can't find
enough ways to spend her money. She's unhappy with her life,
though she owns a pet lion, drives a Jaguar and plays golf
with a Tiger. She has her own private plane, which takes her
all over the country and allows her to visit her family,
she's proud to say, at least once a year.
Just in case you're having trouble with perspective, here
are a few questions to ponder:
You just landed an executive position at a top company. Do
you:
(a) complain that you don't make as much money as Bill
Gates.
(b) rejoice that you make 100 times more money than the
Pope.
(c) grumble that you still can't afford to go on a date with
Paris Hilton.
(d) celebrate that you make enough money to feed 20 million
people in China or the entire defensive line of the Dallas
Cowboys.
You have a kind, generous husband who loves you dearly. Do
you:
(a) complain that he doesn't look like Tom Cruise.
(b) rejoice that he doesn't look like Tom Arnold.
(c) grumble that he doesn't make as much money as Bill
Gates.
(d) celebrate that his heart is bigger than his bank account
and that an investment in love beats money any day. You
can't buy a fancy car with love, but then again, no Mercedes
will ever kiss you back.
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