CLINTON TURNS INTO HARLEM HERO
Soon after leaving office, Bill Clinton
was welcomed in New York City by thousands
of people. But the crowds dwindled as soon
as Clinton announced that he no longer had
the power to pardon criminals. Then Clinton
revealed his plans to open an office in
Harlem, regaining his popularity, especially
among residents of the historic African-
American community. "He's one of us," some
folks said. "He's our president."
In the coming years, Clinton, who enjoyed great
support from African Americans during his
presidency, will try to transform himself
from "a southern white boy" to a
"Harlem hero" by doing the following:
---He will try to run for president of the NAACP,
insisting that the group should now be called
the National Association for the Advancement
of Clinton's People.
---He will host his own talk show on the
television network BET, which will henceforth
be known as Bill's Entertainment Television.
---He will claim that the only reason he
messed around with Monica Lewinsky was because
she was "the only intern with black hair and
a booty."
---Following in the footsteps of Malcolm X,
he will ask some of his friends to start
referring to him as Bill XXX.
---He will claim that he and his wife, Hillary,
have never slept on plain white sheets,
because they didn't want to show the slightest
support for the KKK. He will ask Hillary to
propose a new law in the Senate banning the
production of white sheets.
---He will claim to be the real father of
supermodel Tyra Banks. Shedding a tear, he will
say, "With Hillary gone to the Senate and Chelsea
in college, I'm pretty lonely. I wish Tyra would
start visiting her daddy."
---He will start styling his hair in an Afro,
claiming that he once had an Afro as a child, but
got rid of it because "the KKK wanted to lynch me."
---After attending a rap concert, he will claim to
have a lot in common with Puff Daddy. "Like him, I'm
also a daddy," he will say. "But I never tried to
puff."
---He will spend five hours a day at a tanning
salon. When questioned by reporters, he will say,
"I'm just trying to bring out my natural color."
---He will emphasize his middle name and ask the
media to call him "Willie Jefferson." He will also
claim to have starred in the 1970s sitcom "The
Jeffersons."
---He will record a rap song with the Rev. Jesse
Jackson. The chorus:
"We cheated on our wives and we got caught.
As you can see, we've suffered a lot.
If we're asked to cheat again, we'll say 'No thanks!'
Unless the lady looks like Tyra Banks."
