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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

A HOT BODY DYING FOR SOME FOOD

Just when you thought television programming could get no
worse, it plunged to a new low with the debut of ABC's
reality show "Are You Hot? The Search For America's Sexiest
People." But we really should have expected this. We should
have known we were inviting trouble when we allowed the Walt
Disney Co. to buy a TV network. First Bambi and now this.

The new show is modeled after "American Idol," but instead
of evaluating singing ability, the three judges rate
contestants on face, body and overall sex appeal. In other
words, the judges -- designer Randolph Duke, supermodel
Rachel Hunter and actor Lorenzo Lamas -- spend an entire
hour pretending they're back in high school.

Tenth-grade boy: "Dude, did you check out her body? She's so
hot, my braces are beginning to melt. I'd rate her a perfect
10."

Friend: "What about her personality?"

Tenth-grader: "She has a great personality. And it looks
darn good in those jeans!"

But while schoolboys tend to keep their comments to
themselves, the judges share theirs with the entire country,
thrilling some of the swimsuit-clad contestants,
disheartening others. "I'm giving you a five for your face,
mostly because your mustache is a little too thick. I'm
giving a six for your body, because your breasts look too
natural. And I'm giving a nine for sex appeal, because,
although some of your body parts are lacking, I love the way
you shake them."

Lorenzo searches for flaws the way a tax accountant looks
for loopholes. And when he finds them, he uses a laser
pointer to beam a green dot on them. "Did you realize, young
man, that one of your nose hairs is longer than the others?
I'm deducting five points for that."

What bothers me most about the show is not that it's so
superficial, not that it objectifies men and women, not that
Rachel Hunter doesn't take the trouble to wear a swimsuit.
What bothers me most is that the body image being promoted,
particularly for women, is so out of step with reality. If I
needed to raise money quick, I'd take segments of the show
and broadcast them in Kuwait and Saudi Arabia, imploring
people to help feed the starving babes of America. "Just
$500 a month will provide a 'hot' American woman with enough
food to regain the other half of her body."

Since when did the word "sexy" apply only to skinny women?
Last time I checked, millions of men around the world were
getting turned on by wives and girlfriends who, even on the
coldest of days, couldn't warm themselves inside their
toasters.

Some women, of course, are naturally thin -- and that's just
fine. But to impose one beauty ideal on all women only
encourages eating disorders and other problems. Instead of
looking in the mirror and asking themselves, "Am I hot or
what?" too many women turn to their husbands and ask a
potentially marriage-ending question: "Does this dress make
me look fat?"

Imagine if the amply-proportioned and oh-so-sexy Mariah
Carey appeared on the ABC show.

Lorenzo: "Turn around, Mariah. Ah, just as I thought. You're
carrying some extra baggage. Sorry, that just won't fly on
this airline."

Mariah: "No problem, pretty boy, because I just bought my
own airline. It's called Air Reality. You should try it
sometime."

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