Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

INDIA NEEDS BIG STEPS TO CONTROL
POPULATION

Remember the good old days when India’s
population was only one billion?

That’s what people will soon be saying.
Some will reminisce about the days they
could go to the bathroom anywhere in the
street, morning or night, without having to
stand in line. Others will fondly recall the
days they could travel by train without
having to share the comfortable seat they
found on the roof.

India’s population officially hit the
one-billion mark on May 11, with the birth
of Aastha Arora in New Delhi. Aastha is
now only a few months old and she’s
already older than 3.5 million Indians.
That’s how fast India’s population is
growing. And you thought cricket was the
favorite pastime in India.

Imagine the wife of an Indian politician
complaining to her friend:

Wife: "I’m so tired. My husband kept me
awake all night again. I thought things
would slow down after the honeymoon. But
I’ve already waited 25 years. Instead of
marrying such an important man, I should
have married an impotent man."

Friend: "The best way to slow your
husband down, at least for a few months, is
to get pregnant. Until the baby is born, he’ll
have to find a new hobby."

Wife: "Yes, that has worked for me before,
but our house is already full, with the other
19 children. If I get pregnant again, we’ll be
forced to put another bed in the kitchen."

Friend: "Yes, but at least you’ll have enough
energy to cook."

India’s population is growing at a
staggering rate. About 1,800 Indian
children are born every hour, 17 million
every year. You don’t have to be a biologist
to realize that Indians could teach rabbits a
thing or two.

India’s population has more than
quadrupled since 1901, when it was a
healthy 238 million. Every sixth person in
the world is an Indian. And every sixth
Indian in the world is pregnant.

At the current rate, India is expected to
overtake China in 25 years as the world’s
most populated country. But don’t bet on
that happening, considering how
competitive the Chinese are. As soon as
India gets within a million of China’s
population, the Chinese government will
declare a national month of baby-making.
Anyone who produces triplets gets a free
car. Anyone who produces quadruplets
gets to defect.

The good news is that Indian Prime
Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee has a
brilliant set of advisers, who have brought it
to his attention that India has a population
problem. He recently set up an
Empowered Action Group (EAG) and a
National Population Stabilization Fund
(NPSF), partly to promote the use of
contraceptives. But that probably won’t be
enough. If the population keeps expanding,
the government may have to follow these
drastic steps:

---Offer people in foreign countries a
10,000-rupee bonus if they adopt an Indian
child and a 100,000-rupee bonus if they
adopt an Indian adult.

---Train more Indians in computer science
and put them on the next boat to America.
Make sure they can clearly utter at least
one English sentence to ensure that
they land a job. That sentence, of course,
would be: "I am knowing how to program."

---Give free televisions to people in
densely populated states like Uttar
Pradesh and Rajasthan, so they have
another way to entertain themselves at
night.

---Look for Indians who want to sell one of
their kidneys for organ transplants and
convince them to sell both.

---Buy catchy radio ads discouraging sex: "If you
do it once a day, you’ll have more school
fees to pay. If you do it once a year, you’ll
have more time to drink beer."

---Ask the Pakistani government to join the
Indian government in paying for
contraceptives. After all, the two
governments have a common desire: to
see a world with fewer Indians.

---Improve the Indian space program, so it
can find space, preferably on Earth, for all
the new Indians.

---Introduce newlywed Indians to the
drunken son of British Prime Minister
Tony Blair. They will never want to have
children.

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!