Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

SOME INVENTIONS ARE JUST DISAPPOINTING

Every now and then, a great invention comes along that
transforms the world and makes our lives easier, if not
better.

The plane, invented a century ago, gave people the freedom
to travel anywhere in the world, meet all kinds of
foreigners, and, if necessary, drop bombs on them. It also
created the need for large airports, where thousands of
passengers could stand in line, waiting for their next
flight to be cancelled.

The television, invented some 80 years ago, allowed people
to invite a variety of guests into their homes, guests who
would inform and entertain them, but unlike real guests,
would never expect any food. Some of these guests would even
wrestle each other, saving people the trouble of visiting
the zoo.

The Internet, invented more recently, gave people the
ability to chat with strangers around the world, visit
thousands of interesting websites and download pictures of
actors and models, while pretending to be working. Yes,
thanks to the Net, millions of people with no athletic skill
whatsoever have managed to become professional surfers. And
not all of them work for the government.

It's no wonder people get excited when they hear rumors of
another great invention. They can't help imagining how it
might improve their lives: "Perhaps it will allow me to
drive my car while taking a nap. Perhaps it will allow my
mother to send me delicious food by email. Perhaps it will
allow my cat to operate the lawn mower and my dog to do the
dishes."

Such wonderment was rampant in recent months with the news
that Dean Kamen, a prominent inventor with more than 150
patents, had created something called "Ginger," expected to
be more revolutionary than the World Wide Web. Even I was
excited. "More revolutionary than the Web?" I asked. "Oh my
goodness. What has this great inventor created? Has he
helped mankind everywhere by inventing a machine that will
warn us, in a reliable way, about any nearby occurrence of
PMS? If so, I want to be the first to own it. And if I can't
afford it, I want to be the first to steal it. It could be
the greatest invention in history, even greater than the
nose-hair trimmer."

With the PMS-Detector, I would know when to keep my mouth
shut, when to get out of the way, when to hide under the
bed. I'd finally feel safe.

But unfortunately Kamen's invention isn't that
revolutionary. Though he has revealed little about it,
Inside magazine apparently did enough investigating to
conclude that "Ginger"  - also known as "IT" - is nothing
more than a hydrogen-powered scooter.  What a
disappointment, especially to Americans, who couldn't care
less about scooters, whether they're hydrogen-powered or
hyena-powered.

Scooters are just too small to get Americans excited. The
average American has gained 30 pounds in the last few
decades and is now large enough to EAT several scooters. And
what about all those Americans who don't want to be just
average?

Americans, in general, do not like to be bigger than their
mode of transportation. That's why Oprah rarely travels by
bus.

Most Americans prefer vehicles that are big enough to haul
not just their entire families, but also several sumo
wrestlers. Just in case they go to Japan.

Never mind that a scooter would be more fuel-efficient. If
it can't haul a fat foreigner, what's the use?

So maybe Dean Kamen needs to go back to the drawing
board. If he's intent on inventing something that's
hydrogen-powered, I'd be willing to invest all my money
 -- every last penny -- in a hydrogen-powered PMS-Detector.

Even if I had to make all the hydrogen myself.

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