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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

WHEN IRAQ TALKS BACK

An Iraqi and an American were having a chat. "There's no
need to thank me," the American said. "My people are happy
to liberate your people. In fact, we haven't been this happy
since we liberated Lisa Marie Presley from Michael Jackson.
Or was it the other way around?"

"That is very generous of you, my friend," the Iraqi said.
"But we must insist on repaying you for everything you are
doing. Where would you like us to send the bombs?"

"You must be kidding," the American asked. "Aren't you glad
we're getting rid of Saddam Hussein? Didn't he kill
thousands of Iraqis with chemical weapons?"

"Yes," the Iraqi said. "But he did that 15 years ago. Why
didn't you care then? Were you waiting for a royal decree
from Queen Latifah? Or were you occupied with more important
things, such as figuring out how many women had been under
Bill Clinton's desk?"

"I'm not sure," the American said. "Perhaps we were waiting
for Albania to join our coalition. Or was it Alabama? We may
be late, but at least we're here. At least we're not like a
certain group of people I won't name, people who are sitting
at home, watching TV and saying, 'Mon Dieu! C'est terrible!'
Aren't you happy about that?"

"Forgive me if I don't look happy," the Iraqi said. "It's
hard to look happy when you're dodging bombs. One of your
so-called smart bombs landed in my neighborhood, killing
seven people. That bomb must have been designed by a man,
because it didn't ask for directions."

"We're sorry about your loss," the American said, "but it's
Saddam's fault for putting government buildings so close to
people. Collateral damage is an unfortunate part of war,
just like friendly fire and Geraldo Rivera."

"Collateral damage?" the Iraqi asked. "You wouldn't call it
collateral damage if American civilians were being killed.
You would count every one of them and call them heroes. You
would build memorials for them. You would reward their
families lavishly, allowing them to cry all the way to the
Mercedes dealership."

"Perhaps so," the American said, "but we care about your
civilian deaths, too, especially the ones our media tells us
about. We suffer with you."

"You Americans don't know suffering," the Iraqi said. "You
have so much food, obesity is a growing problem for your
dogs. You have so much clean water, you use it to display
fish in your homes, fish you never once think about eating.
You have so much technology, it would not surprise me if you
use a remote control to turn on your spouses. If you want to
see real suffering, come and see the people you've bombed --
come and see the food they don't eat, the water they don't
drink, the fake nails they don't wear."

"Your lives will be better after the war," the American
said. "My people will help you rebuild your country. We will
bring you food and water. We will bring you fake nails."

"But will you help us mourn our dead?" the Iraqi said. "Will
you care about us five months from now? Will you think about
us as much as you think about Jennifer Lopez's love life?"

"I'm not sure," the American said. "We have a lot to think
about in America. Did you know that Madonna just came out
with a new album?"

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