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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

MICHAEL JACKSON NEEDS TO GET REAL

If you're one of the few people who missed the recent
documentary "Living With Michael Jackson," let me summarize
it for you in four words: Michael Jackson is weird.

So weird that he deserves his own reality TV series. So
weird that he makes Mike Tyson look like a Boy Scout. So
weird that the United Nations should immediately hire him as
a peace negotiator -- just in case aliens ever attack earth.

Michael: "Hello! Please take me to your leader. I've come to
discuss peace."

Alien: "Hello! Vat planet are you from? Ve are angry vith
the earthlings, not vith you. Please return to your
spaceship."

Perhaps the weirdest thing is that the onetime King of Pop
allowed British journalist Martin Bashir and a camera crew
to follow him around for eight months, expecting a
sympathetic portrayal. He apparently thought Bashir would
edit out all the bizarre scenes or at least interpret them
positively: "At first I believed that Michael was
endangering his infant son by dangling him from the balcony.
But then I realized he was just showing other parents what
not to do. It was brilliant -- a great way to get a
parenting tip on the evening news."

Michael hoped to show the world that he's a good father to
his three children. But in eight months of filming, there
are bound to be some missteps. There are bound to be moments
when one kid is acting up and you have to use all your
energy, all your parenting skills just to keep him from
asking about his mother. Then, when you're fresh out of
patience, he does something no kid should do, something
you've warned him about. He takes off his mask.

Michael: "Prince, if you don't put that mask back on, I'm
going to take you to the bedroom and sing to you!"

Prince: "Noooo! Why can't you spank us like other parents?
Why do you have to be so different?"

Michael: "Special, Prince, not different. I'm special --
just like your Aunt LaToya."

Prince: "But why do you make us wear these silly masks? Why
can't you wait until Halloween like other parents?"

Michael: "It's for your privacy, Prince. You can take the
masks off as soon as the film crew leaves. Only seven months
to go."

Prince: "Yipee! Will you be taking yours off too, Dad?"

Michael was accused of child molestation in 1993 and settled
the case out of court for a reported $25 million.
Nevertheless, he hoped to convince the world that his love
for children is perfectly normal, that it's OK for him to
allow other people's children to sleep in his bed. Sorry,
Michael, but the only child who should be allowed in your
bed is Julia Child. She's over 90 and knows exactly what to
do with fruitcakes.

Michael seemed uncomfortable talking about his plastic
surgery, but apparently no Michael Jackson documentary is
complete without an in-depth discussion of his
transformation from a handsome black youngster to a scary
white man.

Michael insisted he's had plastic surgery only twice -- and
just on his nose. The rest of his face changed on its own,
partly through the aging process, partly through
overexposure to his music.

Michael believes that journalist Bashir betrayed him.
But Michael, in many ways, has betrayed himself. As a
44-year-old father, he really should know better.

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