Columns                   Blog       













Home

All columns copyrighted

Columns must not be reprinted in any form without the author's express permission.

 

Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

 

 

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

 

 

STRONG ECONOMY HELPS JOB SEEKERS

America's economy is so strong and the unemployment rate so low that many companies are lowering their standards and hiring just about anyone who walks off the street and doesn't smell.

There's almost no excuse to be unemployed today, unless you're married to someone who's willing to go to work every day while you improve yourself by staying at home and watching Oprah.

If you haven't searched for a job in a long time, this is a great time to start. At some companies, the only requirements are as follows:

---All applicants must know how to speak at least three words of English: "Me need work."

---All applicants must have taken a bath sometime in the last month. Preference will be given to applicants who can name at least one soap.

---All applicants must have fewer than 25 tattoos and five rings per body part. Each nostril counts as a separate body part.

---All applicants must be citizens or permanent residents of the United States, unless they have unique abilities, such as the ability to work cheap.

---Applicants with a criminal record will not be considered for employment, unless they swear under oath not to steal the vending machine.

---All applicants must pass a drug test or must agree to leave all drugs in their cars.

Even with such minimal requirements, employers are struggling to find good workers. The modeling industry is a prime example. If you open any newspaper and read the help wanted ads, you'll realize that America is suffering from a major shortage of models.

If this continues, Sports Illustrated may have to cancel its annual swimsuit issue. That would disappoint all those sports fans who love the exciting sport of bikini-gazing.

Modeling must be a tough job, because some modeling agencies are forced to go to every little town to recruit models. And they're so desperate they're willing to hire average-looking people -- anyone who won't break their cameras.

Some agencies have lowered their standards so much that even I could be a model. Even without any major plastic surgery. (OK, maybe that's pushing it.)

This is indeed a crisis in America. We're running out of good-looking people.

Where have they all gone? Well, without doing much research, it's clear to me that many of them have become television anchors. CNN itself has hired about 1,000 of them.

Modeling agencies cannot compete with a major news organization like CNN, where people can get lots of exposure without taking off their clothes.

Another problem is that good-looking people often marry less-attractive people and end up diluting their appearance genes. Models like Rachel Hunter and Christie Brinkley have really hurt the modeling industry. Their children will have trouble finding good modeling jobs and may have to settle
for Wal-Mart fliers.

If you've always wanted to be a model, this may be a good time to try. But here's a bit of advice: Watch out for scams. Modeling agencies are supposed to pay you and not vice versa. Especially if you're as good-looking as you think.

Leave your checkbook at home and take your brain with you. You may just need it.

 

                                                        

                                             Click here to visit Melvin's funny blog!

                                             Use the form below to subscribe to his weekly humor columns.

                                              Your Email Address