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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

THE DIRTY TRUTH ABOUT MEN

As a columnist, journalist and concerned citizen of the
world, I feel it is my duty to warn everyone of a major
problem, one that endangers lives, damages property and
causes untold misery, a growing menace that can be summed up
in three words: men doing laundry.

At first glance, MDL may not seem like a big problem,
especially to members of the female species, who generally
prefer MDL to WDL. But the evidence is overwhelming, as the
Bush Administration might say. MDL has resulted in millions
of discolored clothes, billions of missing socks, and
countless broken relationships.

Wife: "Did you remember to separate the clothes before
washing them?"

Husband: "Yes, of course I did. I put the whites at the
bottom and the colors on top."

Wife: "You idiot, you were supposed to wash them separately.
You obviously don't know what separation means, but trust
me, you're about to find out!"

In case you need more proof of MDL's perils, let me cite a
recent incident in Moscow, Russia, where a man was
determined to remove a paint stain from his trousers. So
what did he do? According to Reuters, this genius added a
liter of gasoline (petrol) to his washing machine, hoping to
dissolve the stain.

If you're like most men, you're thinking, "That's crazy!
Only an idiot would use a liter of gas when you can probably
do the job with half a liter. Gas is expensive!"

If you're like most women, you're thinking, "What a lunatic!
Only a real fool would use real fuel. Gas is explosive!"

Well, the gas did eliminate the stain, along with half the
man's apartment. It was quite an explosion, what police
described accurately as a total washout.

The man, if he's married, probably has a good excuse: "My
wife asked me to LOAD the laundry."

This incident raises an important question: Don't we have
enough explosions in the world without men doing laundry?

It should be noted that MDL has caused many other
explosions, as illustrated by the American man who said: "I
accidentally bleached my wife's favorite dress and she just
exploded!"

Indeed, most experts agree that MDL is one of the biggest
threats to a married man's safety. As one marriage counselor
said, "Men should probably avoid washing their wives'
clothes at all costs. With some women, you'd be much safer
having an affair than ruining their underwear."

Another man, married for 10 years, agreed: "I'm under
tremendous pressure whenever I separate my wife's clothes.
Whites and colors, regular and delicate, plus-size and
bus-size. Now I know what doctors mean when they speak of
separation anxiety."

It's not that men don't know how to separate clothes. In
fact, most single men naturally separate their clothes into
three categories: dirty, filthy, and putrid. The putrid,
they wash immediately; the filthy, they set aside for
another week; and the dirty, they spray with cologne and
wear again.

Laundry is just not a man's strength. The only thing men are
good at laundering is money. And I'm not just talking about
the illegal act, I'm also referring to all the cash that
somehow ends up in the wash, along with pens, business
cards, and cell phones. That supports one female expert's
view: "The real problem isn't MDL. The real problem is MDT.
Men don't think."

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