MARRIED TO A MAIDEN NAME

When she married fellow actor David Arquette in 1999,
"Friends" co-star Courteney Cox changed her name to
Courteney Cox Arquette. Now she's returning to her maiden
name and dropping "Arquette." (Don't get excited, male fans.
She's dumping the name, not the husband.)

What happened? Did she just join the National Organization
of Women (NOW)? Or did she suddenly realize that a liberated
woman shouldn't be carrying her husband's name, not when
she's making a million bucks an episode and he's making
breakfast?

Actually, Cox wants to honor her father, Richard Cox, who
died of cancer last year. Carrying "Cox" as a middle name
wasn't quite enough. A friend suggested tattooing "Cox"
around her waist, but there just wasn't enough room. (The
tattoo artist promised to keep the "c" and "o" together, but
Cox didn't like where he wanted to put the "x.")

Her desire to honor her late father is admirable, but I
can't help feeling sorry for her husband, David Cox. I mean,
David Arquette. Or is it David Arquette-Cox? It's hard to
keep these things straight.

Whichever name he prefers, he had better be somewhat
flexible.

Mail man: "Merry Christmas! I have three packages for
Courteney Cox, one for David Cox and one for Mr. and Mrs.
Courteney Cox."

David: "Do you have any for David Arquette?"

Mail man: "No, but I do have one for Chandler Bing. Does he
live here, too?"

I know what's in store for Arquette because my wife, Malathi
Raghavan, retained her maiden name. Being a fairly
open-minded man, I didn't mind her decision at all. I just
didn't care for all the telephone bills -- the ones
addressed to Melvin Raghavan. (I sure hope AT&T can find Mr.
Raghavan. He owes them lots of money. Kept making calls to
India. Spoke to one billion people.)

Malathi has faced more issues, including opposition from her
father. Some relatives assumed she had taken my name and
sent mail addressed to Malathi Durai. Others switched her
from Dr. Raghavan to Mrs. Durai, making her marriage to me a
rather big demotion.

It's going to be worse, of course, when we travel abroad.

Hotel clerk: "I'm sorry, Mr. Durai. This is a decent hotel.
We can't allow you to share a room with Dr. Raghavan."

Me: "But she's my wife."

Clerk: "Yes, Mr. Durai, that's what they all say! Now get
going before I summon the Ayatollah."

Women keeping maiden names is nothing new, yet our society
just isn't set up for it. That's partly because many women
are willing to give up their ENTIRE names. Just go to any
wedding and you'll probably hear the newlyweds introduced as
"Mr. and Mrs. Larry King." (Yes, Larry does get around.)

Malathi points out that women began carrying men's names
during a bygone era when women were considered property. "If
you're going to belong to one man or the other, you might as
well belong to your dad," she says. I'm not crazy about her
reasoning, but I sure hope she keeps repeating it to our
daughter.

Lekha is only six months old, but it's never too early to
teach a child important concepts. I'm thinking of putting a
sign in her crib: "Dad's name: good. Husband's name: bad."

The sign would spark some useful conversations, as soon as
Lekha learns to read.

Lekha: "Dad, what's a husband?"

Me: "A husband is someone who wants to take away daddy's
good name."


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