MATRIMONIAL ADS CAN BE QUITE ENTERTAINING

A recent column on matrimonial ads was so popular that I
decided to write another, this time focusing on the actual
language found in some ads. If you ever need a good laugh,
just read some of the long matrimonial ads on the Internet.

Here are some actual lines that appear in such ads,
followed by the suggested reply from a potential mate.

Male, age 28: "I have a very high IQ value at 160 in
terms of the standard deviation, which equals 99.999% of
the general population according to several IQ tests that I
have successfully taken." REPLY: "Wow! An IQ of 160?
Is that even possible? You must have a big brain and an
even bigger head. If we get married, we'll have to buy a
home with wide doorways. But on a positive note, our
children will be very smart (in terms of the standard
deviation), and they'll also be able to write sentences as
well as you."

--- The same 28-year-old male: "I plan to have a stable
and loving family with two children (named Jay and
Jasmine) in a nurturing and caring environment."
REPLY: "Ah, what a relief. You've already picked names
for our children. Now all I need to do is give birth to them.
That's the easy part. I just hope I don't produce two girls.
The one named 'Jay' would have an identity crisis. But since
you want a nurturing and caring environment, maybe we
could pay for a sex change."

---Male, 33: "You can be a homely girl or a professional...
does not matter." REPLY: "That's good, because I happen
to be a homely professional. A very homely computer
professional. In fact, I'm so homely, my boss never lets me
meet any of the customers."

---Female, 28: "I am easygoing, and generally friendly."
REPLY: "That's cool, because I am handsome and
generally honest."

---The same 28-year-old female: "I seem to possess the
best of Indian values with a fair amount of modern thinking
mixed in. . Regarding caste, I have to work within the
rules laid down my elders - you have to be a Tamil Iyengar,
preferably Vadagalai too." REPLY: "Yes, you certainly do
possess the best of Indian values. I'm so glad that modern
thinking hasn't ruined your appreciation for India's
wonderful caste system."

---Female, 27: "It'll be a dream come true if you're at least
5'10" because your princess cannot survive without her
high heels." REPLY: "You'll be glad to know that your
prince usually looks 5'10". He, too, cannot survive without
his high heels."

---Female, 33: "I would describe myself to be
approximately 101 lbs., slender, fair complexion, US
citizen (born and raised here), non-smoker, drink rarely,
and non-veg." REPLY: "Can you please be a little more
exact about your weight? I'm very particular and don't
want to marry a woman who's an ounce over 101 pounds."

---Male, 25: "Have been a strict vegetarian, teetotaler, and
non-smoker/non-drinker throughout my life."
REPLY: "Wow! You've been both a teetotaler and
non-drinker all your life! That's a rare combination. You
deserve to be commended."

---Female, 29: "I want to wake up everyday eager to see a
pair of deep, beautiful eyes and a heartwarming smile. I
want to whisper, "Dearest, will you have raita with the
pulao?" What can I say!! I am a very hopeful romantic!!"
REPLY: "No, you are a hopeless romantic!! Nothing is
more romantic to a man than a woman offering him food.
Especially raita with pulao!"

If you placed a matrimonial ad with any of these lines, I
have just one thing to say to you: Thank you. I needed that
laugh.