Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

MOTHERS WANT THE BEST FOR US

There's something special about a mother. I was reminded
of this the other day when I visited my mother. Looking me
over in a loving way and speaking as only a mother can,
she said, "You're going bald!"

"Thanks for bringing that to my attention, Mom," I felt like
saying. "I hadn't yet noticed my bald spot. But now that
your eagle eyes have discovered it, I'm going to keep tabs
on it. I'm sure you'll lend your assistance by giving me
annual how-bald-are-you-now reports."

2002: "Son, you're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you
as 'grandpa.'"

2003: "Son, you're so bald, the reflection off your head is
blinding people in India."

2004: "Son, you're so bald, United Airlines has asked for
permission to land."

2005: "Son, you're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has
elected you president."

What would we do without our mothers? On Mother's
Day and other days, we should show our gratitude to them
not just because they've loved and supported us, but also
for another major reason: If it weren't for our mothers, we
wouldn't know all our faults. We'd be deceived into
believing we're almost perfect. Yes, we'd be living a lie.

Anytime I get too full of myself, I just have to speak to my
mother and she'll bring me down to earth faster than a
Russian satellite. She'll say something to make me realize
that I'm a long way from achieving any goals, especially the
ones she has set for me.

Mother: "Melvin, did you go to church on Sunday?"

Me: "Yes, Mom, I did. I even stayed awake during the
sermon without taking a single pill."

Mother: "What about Wednesday? Did you go to church
on Wednesday?"

Me: "Wednesday? Is Wednesday a holy day now?
Someone forgot to tell me. First Sundays, now
Wednesdays. Why not have services on Fridays, too?
That way, we can all go to church to Thank God It's
Friday!"

We need mothers partly because our spouses and friends
have learned to lie to us. You can't blame them. They're
concerned about their safety.

Woman: "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?"

Husband: "No, honey, it makes you look as slim as Cindy
Crawford and Jennifer Aniston." (Yes, Cindy and Jennifer
combined!)

A mother would be a little more honest:

Daughter: "Mom, does this dress make me look fat?"

Mother: "No, sweetheart, YOU make the dress look fat. I
never thought fabric could stretch like that!"

A kind friend might say, "Wow! That outfit makes you
look like a million dollars." Your mother, on the other
hand, will insist on converting it to British currency:  "Wow!
That outfit makes you look like a million pounds."

Of course, most mothers mean well. They want the best
for us. And they know exactly what's best for us, because
they spent countless hours thinking about it, even before
we were born. Why won't we listen? Why won't we take
advantage of their endless wisdom?

My mother: "You should have become a doctor. You are
so intelligent."

Me: "I don't want to be a doctor. I like being a writer."

Mother: "If you had become a doctor, you would have
something to write about. And you could have done
something about that bald spot. You could have afforded a
hair transplant."

Mothers are so wise. You've gotta love them. I certainly
love mine.

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