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Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

AMERICA'S STUCK WITH GORE OR BUSH

After studying George W. Bush and Al Gore
for several months and watching their
performances in the presidential debates, I
have an overwhelming desire to hold them up
by their ears and ask America an important
question: "Is this the best we could come up
with?"

Surely we didn’t search long enough. Surely
we didn’t consider all the potential
candidates. Surely we didn’t give a chance to
everyone with leadership experience, such
as the president of the National Bingo
Association.

We must have missed someone, someone
exciting, someone inspiring, someone who --
unlike Gore and Bush -- won’t hurt America’s
sleeping-pill industry.

Barring a miracle, America will soon be led
by President Bush or President Gore. That
could be the scariest thing to happen to the
nation since Dr. Laura posed nude. The next
president will probably be around for at least
four years, enough time to tinker with our
great economy. That could be disastrous.
For example, if our incomes decrease, many
folks would have no money for plastic surgery
and would have to walk around with bags
over their heads. That would make it hard for
us to identify Penn State fans. And as if that
isn’t bad enough, some of us would need to
apply for bank loans to get mail-order brides
from the Philippines. Yes, the next president
could affect not just our lives, but also our
wives.

That makes me wonder: Is it too late to
change the Constitution and allow Bill Clinton
to run for another term? He’s been a good
president, at least from the waist up. If he
could run again, he’d easily beat Gore and
Bush, without even appearing on Oprah.
While Gore, trailing in the polls, may have felt
compelled to kiss his wife, Tipper, on
national television, Clinton would not be
forced to do that. He’d voluntarily kiss Tipper.

Perhaps we need to reconsider the two-term
limit. After all, we’d be pretty upset if
someone told us that every eight years we
need to change dentists. Especially if we’ve
just started to trust our dentist.

I’m not saying that we’ve started to trust
Clinton. We wouldn’t trust him alone, even for
a few minutes, with the Statue of Liberty. But
he has helped usher America into a period
of peace and prosperity, a period that could
soon disappear as fast as my last diet.

I can think of dozens of Americans more
presidential than Bush. And that’s within my
own apartment building. Unfortunately, none
of them has enough money to run for
president, partly because the landlord
demanded a security deposit.

I can also think of dozens of Americans
more charismatic than Gore. The man is
brilliant, but he’d have trouble inspiring Mike
Tyson to hit someone.

I love democracy, but controlled by money
and two major parties, it’s a little wanting.
And with Gore or Bush leading us, we may
receive sympathy cards from the Cubans.

In a few months, former President Clinton
may turn to Senator Hillary and say, "They
thought I was bad, but look at what Bush is
doing. He has already declared war against
Iraq, Iran and Idaho. You’d better be
prepared to run in 2004, because voters will
soon be clamoring for another Clinton. And
maybe you can offer Gore another job. He
looks miserable at the car wash."

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