|
© All columns copyrighted
Columns must not be
reprinted in any form without the author's express permission.
|
|
Melvin's blog
Nshima & Curry
Melvin's Blog
Nshima & Curry
| |
WHERE'S A STRONGMAN WHEN YOU NEED
ONE?
The World's Strongest Man contest is back in Zambia this
year, just as in 2001. And to me at least, that seems very
appropriate. After all, Zambia is home to a lot of strong
things: strong traditions, strong beliefs, and, of course,
strong beer. And let's not forget about strong women, the
ones who can carry all their possessions -- furniture, pots,
even stoves -- atop their heads.
Zambia also has its share of strong men, but none who can
compete with the likes of Norway's Svend Karlson and
Sweden's Magnus Samuelsson. These former world champs are
amazing. Their arms are so massive, they've been asked to
comply with the North Atlantic Arms Treaty. And their legs
are so hefty, they don't just have calves -- they have cows!
If you're wondering how Samuelsson got to be so strong, just
try arm-wrestling his mother. That would be a lot safer than
challenging Samuelsson himself, as long as you don't mind
having an old woman crush you.
In the unlikely chance that you beat Samuelsson's mother,
you might want to set your sights a little higher and
challenge Samuelsson's wife, Kristin. But here's a warning:
Kristin has won Sweden's Strongest Woman contest, which
means she can probably bench press you. After arm-wrestling
her, you might need an arm transplant.
As you can imagine, Samuelsson finds it quite handy to have
such a strong wife. Whenever he needs to change a car tire,
all he says is: "Honey, can you spare a finger?"
Actually, Samuelsson is strong enough to hold the car up
himself, while working under it. Winner of the Strongest Man
title in 1998, he stands 2 metres tall and weighs a whopping
150 kg. The last time he visited one of Zambia's game parks,
all the elephants went into hiding. One even climbed a tree.
Being a farmer, Samuelsson is well-suited for one of the
strongman events: the Farmer's Walk. Contestants carry heavy
implements about 100 meters, often under 40 seconds. That's
impressive, but what I want to know is this: where are these
guys when I need help at the airport? Airports are so large
these days, it would be great to have a strongman around, if
not to carry my luggage then at least to carry me.
Another strongman event is called the tire flip, in which
contestants are required to -- you guessed it -- flip a
tire. But this is no ordinary tire. This is a tire that
weighs more than 350 kg, the kind of tire you'd put on a
truck if you were trying to haul something really heavy,
such as Shaquille O'Neal. If I tried to flip such a tire,
I'd not only be the one to flip, I'd also be the one to
tire.
In other strongman events, contestants push trucks and even
lift cars. They're the type of men I'd love to run into
whenever my car breaks down. "Excuse me, Mr. Samuelsson,"
I'd say. "I'm having a little trouble with my car. Would you
mind carrying it to the nearest garage?"
I can't imagine being that strong. I have enough trouble
carrying my baby around. Even in my wildest dreams, I
wouldn't be able to move a single object in the World's
Strongest Man contest. But the other contestants would
probably give me a new title anyway: World's Strangest Man.
Send this column to a friend
| |
|
