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Melvin's blog
Nshima & Curry
Melvin's Blog
Nshima & Curry
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CHILLING OUT WITH A NEW LANGUAGE
America is made up of all kinds of people, but one group
likes to stand out from the rest. They speak their own
language and refuse to fit in. I tried to advise them:
"Listen people, if you want to live in America, you've got
to learn to speak like everyone else." But I couldn't get
through to these people. They just looked at me curiously
and said in their strange language, "Yo dude, chill out!"
And I lost my cool and shouted, "Why don't you speak English
for a change, you teen-agers!"
But later on, I felt guilty and thought to myself, If they
don't want to learn my language, perhaps I should learn
theirs. So I went to the bookstore and bought myself a
Teen-glish dictionary. And I decided to serve my fellow
parents as a translator. They sent me questions and I sent
them answers and the world is a happier place. Here are some
excerpts:
Dear Mr. Translator: My 16-year-old son keeps saying "peace
out" to everyone. I'm concerned that he might be smoking
something. Should I install a hidden camera in his room? --
Concerned Mom.
Dear Concerned Mom: You need to chill out. When your son
says "peace out" to his homeys, he's bidding them goodbye.
Either that or he's giving them a report on the situation in
Iraq. Please leave him in peace.
Dear Mr. Translator: My 18-year-old daughter is obsessed
with something called "bling-bling." I don't know what it
is, but it doesn't sound good. The other day, I overheard
her speaking to a married man, saying, "You'd better give me
some bling-bling or we ain't having a fling-fling." Please
help! -- Confused Dad.
Dear Confused Dad: You need to chill out. Your daughter is
obsessed with jewelry and other expensive items. The next
time she mentions bling-bling, just tell her she's a
ding-ding. And tell the married man that if he asks again
for a fling-fling, you'll put his arm in a sling-sling.
Dear Mr. Translator: My son had a terrible accident in my
car. When I visited him in the hospital, all he managed to
say was, "My bad." Do you think he has suffered brain
damage? -- Worried Mom.
Dear Worried Mom: You need to chill out. Your son sounds
normal -- as normal as a teen can sound. He was just
admitting his mistake in teen lingo. Next time he says, "My
bad," all you need to say is, "My mad!"
Dear Mr. Translator: My 15-year-old daughter keeps calling
people fat. I'm concerned about her body image. And I'm also
concerned that she thinks of me as fat. -- Dieting Mom.
Dear Dieting Mom: You need to chill out. Your daughter is
probably calling people "phat," not fat. It's another way of
saying "excellent" or "great." As for her thinking of you as
phat, all I have to say is this: Phat chance.
Dear Mr. Translator: I've overheard my son's friends calling
him a "player." That doesn't make sense to me, because my
son doesn't play any sports. In fact, the only thing I've
ever seen him play is his boom box. What gives? -- Perplexed
Dad.
Dear Perplexed Dad: I looked up "player" in my new
dictionary and this is what I found: a picture of Bill
Clinton. In case you're wondering, it isn't because Clinton
plays the saxophone. Your son is a player because he likes
to play the field. You need to talk to him. And another
thing: You need to chill out.
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