Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

"A NEW VIRUS TROUBLES US EVERY
DAY"

A gaunt, pale-faced computer analyst walks
into his manager's office with some bad
news: "Boss, one of our computers seems
to be infected with a virus. And my doctor
just told me that I've contracted a deadly
virus."

The manager falls into his chair and starts
weeping: "Oh, no! That's terrible news!
What are you going to do?"

"I can't do anything. The doctor told me
there's no cure. I have only 24 hours to live."

The manager rises and smiles: "Twenty-four
hours? Great! That's more than enough time
for you to save the computer."

                                      ***
In this technology-driven world, computer
viruses seem to be causing more panic
than human viruses. I've received many
e-mail messages warning me about
computer viruses, but I don't recall a single
one warning me about AIDS.

Of course, anyone who has spent thousands
of dollars on a computer is naturally
concerned about viruses. And it's even
worse for a computer novice like me who
has almost no idea how to deal with them. I
keep worrying that a virus is going to kill my
mouse. Poor mouse. It has its own pad, but
no place to hide.

The "Melissa" virus that recently swamped
computers around the globe is an example
of how sophisticated viruses have become.
They can do almost anything, even name
themselves after a topless dancer.

A few months ago, I received an e-mail
carrying a warning similar to this:

VIRUS WARNING! If you receive an e-mail
titled "Free Money From Bill Gates," delete
it immediately. It's the most dangerous
piece of mail known to mankind. Even more
dangerous than the letters that say, "You
may have just won a million dollars."

The virus hidden in this e-mail is so
destructive that:

---It will enter your hard drive and erase
every file, program and indecent picture.

---It will send e-mail messages from your
computer to every member of Congress,
telling them you once had an affair with Bill
Clinton.

---It will spread to your refrigerator, causing
your ice cream to melt and your beer to
spoil.

---It will reprogram your VCR to tape every
episode of "Jerry Springer."

---It will adjust the settings on your radio to
receive only oldies stations.

---It will make your dogs wag at strangers
and bark at you.

---It will make your children tattoo every body
part. If they haven't already.


Of course, that virus was just a joke, like a
lot of others. But if it were possible to create
such a virus, some idiot would no doubt
dedicate his life to doing so.

David L. Smith, 30, of Aberdeen, N.J.,
allegedly created "Melissa" and named it
after a dancer in Florida. They apparently
made a good pair: She was topless, he was
hopeless.

"Melissa" was designed to use a victim's
e-mail address book to send 50 messages
filled with pornographic sites. Just in case
someone on the Internet was having trouble
finding porn.

Smith has been charged with several crimes,
including interruption of public
communications. If convicted, he should be
sent to prison for at least a few years. And
no matter how much he complains, he
should not be allowed to take his computer
with him.

His creativity can be put to a better use.
Such as making license plates.

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