Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

"IT'S EASIER TO BE RICH THAN WE
THINK"

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Please take a number. I’m not Regis
Philbin or Ed McMahon, but I can still help
you. I can share the secrets of becoming an
instant millionaire in America.

There are only four proven methods of
earning wealth overnight:

(1) Playing the lottery. It just takes a dollar
or two to get started and, if you’re really
serious about it, you can make your entire
paycheck disappear. Of course, the
chances of winning the lottery are equal to
the chances of Dan Quayle becoming
president. But that hasn't stopped him.

(2) Suing someone. It's one of the wonders
of the legal system. If you're creative, you
can sue someone for almost anything that
goes wrong in your life. Can’t lose weight?
Sue your grocery store for stocking Spam.
Can’t go to bed before midnight? Sue Jay
Leno for being so entertaining. Can’t get a
job? Sue Burger King for requiring you to
comb your hair.

(3) Starting your own Internet company and
going public. First you need to create a
catchy name for your company’s web site.
Priceline.com is taken, but you could start
an online soup kitchen for Asians with
Riceline.com. Newsweek.com is taken, but
you could start a Larry King celebrity site
with Newsgeek.com. Hotjobs.com is taken,
but you could start a Mafia recruitment site
with Hitjobs.com. The next step is to go
public, selling shares in your company to
anyone who’s crazy enough to buy. This is
known as an IPO (Increasing Prosperity
Overnight). Your company may end up
losing millions of dollars, but don't worry --
you’ll be too rich to care.

(4) Making your own low-budget scary
movie in the woods. It worked for the
producers of "Blair Witch Project" and it
can work for you. All you need is a video
camera and three friends who know how to
scream. Acting ability not required. The
less you spend, the more you’ll make in
profits, so try to avoid luxuries like
costumes, special effects, and scripts.

If none of these get-rich-quick schemes
work, don’t worry. You don’t need all that
money anyway. Whether you realize it or
not, you’re already quite wealthy. Your net
worth is immeasurable.

No, I haven’t been drinking. And I haven’t
been partying with George W. Bush. I’m just
trying to measure wealth in a more accurate
way.

Take your health, for example. If you
somehow contracted a deadly disease,
what would you give up to regain your
health? Every single penny you own -- and
maybe even your color TV.

What about your darling children and doting
parents? How much are they worth to you?
Certainly more than the microwave.
Perhaps even the computer.

If you really think about it, you'd be willing to
give up everything you own to get your
children back from a kidnapper. Heck, you
may even be willing to car pool.

And what about your significant other? You
wouldn't trade him or her for anything less
than a Lexus. And fully loaded, too.

Then, of course, there's your freedom. You
take it for granted, but just try spending a
few days in a country where you can’t make
an insulting joke about the president. You'd
be in prison faster than you can say,
"Lewinsky."

So be careful. While you’re searching for all
that money, you may be overlooking things
that are worth a whole lot more.

Like your sanity.

                                             Don't forget to visit Melvin's funny blog!