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Melvin's blog
Nshima & Curry
Melvin's Blog
Nshima & Curry
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DOWNLOADING A SNAZZY NEW NAME
There are many ways to promote a cause, but Karin
Robertson's tactic is somewhat peculiar, even by today's
standards. According to the Associated Press, the
23-year-old Indiana woman, an animal rights activist, has
officially changed her name to GoVeg.com. Her message is
simple: Eat more vegetables and you too can lose your mind.
No, I'm kidding. Please don't send me any hate mail. I have
nothing against vegetarians. In fact, I admire them. Many of
them care deeply how an animal feels, whereas people like me
notice how an animal feels only when it's going down our
throats. "Mmmm. Feels crunchy! May I have some more?"
GoVeg.com, who has even given up her last name, is obviously
passionate about animals. She works for People for the
Ethical Treatment of Animals and, much to her bosses'
surprise, decided to share a name with one of PETA's web
sites, a move that will surely earn her a prestigious award
at the group's annual dinner: "Butt-Kisser of the Year."
But before you dismiss this as just another publicity stunt
by a PETA member, you should consider how seriously
GoVeg.com is taking her new name. She doesn't want her
friends to shorten it to Go, Veg or even Dot. Nope, she
wants them to say "GoVeg.com" every single time. When
they're not surfing the Net, they'll be suffering the Nut.
And they'd better not try to click the mouse -- he's been
set free.
GoVeg.com says she changed her name mainly to spark
discussions about vegetarianism and animal rights with
people who see her new driver's license. "Every time I go to
the bank, the tellers will report back about vegetarian food
they've tried," she told the AP. Poor tellers. Don't they
have enough green stuff to report on?
Teller 1: "Oh no, here comes GoVeg.com again to ask us what
veggies we had. If this continues, I might have to change my
name to GoToAnotherBank.com."
Teller 2: "Yes, it's getting to be quite a pain. Every
morning we have to give a report to GoVeg.com and every
afternoon we have to give another report to the darn
butcher."
GoVeg.com (approaching counter): "Hi there! Try any good
vegetarian dishes lately?"
Teller 1: "Yes, I had onion rings with a horseradish dip.
And don't you worry, Miss. GoVeg.com -- I didn't hurt any
horses!"
GoVeg.com is having fun with her name now, but is she really
going to spend her entire life with it? Forgive me, but I
can't help feeling sorry for the man who has to scream
"GoVeg.com!" in the throes of passion.
And what about her children? What will their birth
certificates say? Mother: GoVeg.com. Father: GoFlyAKite.com.
The children's names, of course, would have a decidedly
vegetarian flavor: GoNuts.com and GoBananas.com.
Such names may seem harmless, but wait till the big
corporations get a whiff of this. They've already put their
names on public buildings -- and soon they'll be setting
their "sites" on public figures. Imagine how strange that
would be: At Wimbledon, we'll have to cheer for GoNike.com;
in the White House, we'll have to listen to GoExxon.com; and
on TV, we'll have to watch "The Tonight Show with
GoViagra.com."
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