Melvin's blog

Nshima & Curry

Melvin's  Blog

Nshima & Curry

PERFECT WEDDING HARD TO ATTAIN

I dropped the wedding ring. Just as I was
about to slide it around my bride's finger, it
slipped out of my grasp and fell to the floor.
Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for such a
mishap and forgot to shout the three words
that are absolutely essential at modern
weddings: "Stop the video!"

Now everybody who watches the video,
including the grandchildren of my
grandchildren, will laugh at me. They may
even blame me for their innate clumsiness, as
though I'm the first person in the family to drop
something. It's a pity I don't have a video of
my grandfather in India, up on a coconut tree.

Perhaps I should edit the wedding video or at
least find a way to destroy it. I would love to
eliminate the ring-dropping scene, as well as
the sight of my mother choking up with tears,
realizing that her only son was finally getting
hitched and she would have to learn a few more
words of English, other than "When are you
getting married?"

Take it from me: No matter how much time
you spend planning your wedding, something
is bound to go wrong. You'd have better luck
planning the national convention of FWLK
(former wives of Larry King). At least you'd be
guaranteed a good turnout.

Consider yourself lucky if something minor
happens at your wedding, such as the
following:

---The soloist arrives drunk and sings the
Rolling Stones' hit "You can't always get what
you want."

---The pastor pronounces your last name
"Dairy," instead of "Durai." And later, when
he's drinking coffee, he asks you for non-Durai
creamer.

---The bride, thrilled that she's finally married
and doesn't need to control her desires
anymore, doesn't wait until the guests leave to
jump on the cake.

---The flower girls go on strike, demanding
that they wear gowns as elegant as the
pastor's.

My wedding started several minutes late
because one of the flower girls didn't leave
home on time. But it was a blessing in
disguise, for the best man remembered only
at the last minute to move the ring from his
jeans to his tuxedo. Had the wedding started
on schedule, I would have had to kill him. And
that might have put a damper on the festive
atmosphere. Especially if I couldn't find
someone to deliver the toast.

Only one other minor thing went wrong: My
bride's parents, after they had both walked
her down the aisle and given her hand
in marriage, took seats on opposite sides of
the church. They had just flown in from
Chennai, India, and were obviously still
suffering from jet lag.

But why should I complain about such minor
things, when the wedding was such a success.
After all, it was the happiest day of my life,
even happier than the day I bought my satellite
dish.

I was so happy, I didn't mind smiling one
million times. On your wedding day, you can't
just be happy, you have to look happy, partly
because people are constantly taking pictures
of you. I smiled so much, my teeth began to
hurt.

I even smiled when I dropped the wedding ring.
I was happy that my bride remained calm and
didn't consider dropping something in return.
Such as me.

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